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The Most Precious Gift Of All

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I saw something that shocked me to my soul that screamed how very very precious life is, and how at any moment, life can cease. Remember this when you are with family and friends this Holiday Season who may not necessarily be your best buds or who may rub you all wrong. Could you this year swallow your pride, push aside your animosity, and reach out in love to your family? Why? Life can cease at any moment and to live with regret is a living hell.

Under all that hate or anger love will be seen for that person when you let go of the grudges or unforgiveness. Let’s say your reaching out is not met halfway or rejected. That’s OK. The whole point is for you to reach out. How it is received, that is not on you. 

No this is not an easy thing to do. By far. It is easier to hold on to that resentment rather then let it go. Yet, when you do, if you do, you will have done a great and magnificent favor for you. In actuality, you will be freeing yourself from the prison of gloom.

This Christmas I am writing handwritten letters to all my siblings, telling them even though I am not in their lives, that I love them as my brother or sister, and that I carry no grudges in my heart against them. This will be my Christmas gift to my family. I am choosing to write letters because I express myself best most of the time by writing, especially when their are deep emotions involved. That, and I suspect if I did call, the phone probably would not be answered.

It is not up to me if my siblings accept my words or not. Those letters will also be very clear if they are unable to accept me for who I am and what I have chosen in my life as they have in past years, then just let me be. There are those in my family I prefer not to be in my life and that is the truth. I’m sure some of you can relate. Those letters will be written precisely for my benefit of letting go of any remaining “not of love” feelings I have toward my family.

Where is all this coming from, you may ask. I had an exceptionally emotional week. I witnessed on Monday a 20-year old boy die at the gym I attend. He died, from my educational guess, from a major myocardial infarction, or in other words, a massive heart attack with a hundred percent occlusion. In the time it took for him to slide to the floor after he sought a wall to collapse on, he was dead.

The emotions that whipped me over and over while EMT resuscitation was attempted devastated me. The shock was catastrophic. This boy had no pulse and that is how it remained regardless of the efforts made to save him. Still to this day those very emotions are driving home that life, no matter who you are, can be snuffed out without warning. It is precious and something to be cherished.

Before I am unable to do so, I am making sure I have no regrets. I thought I did not but I have been doing some deep inward digging this week. I am leaving no stone unturned as I make peace within myself with those who are called family. With a new clean slate, my forward motion will be so much more joyous and free!

Anyone care to join me?
~~~~~

Photography/ “The Most Precious Gift Of All” / Nov. 2019©AmyRose
http://www.herladypinkrose.wordpress.com

 

 

 

106 thoughts on “The Most Precious Gift Of All”

    1. Bless you, Dan, for your kindness. I’m still not over what I saw. It is so hard now to go back to that gym. The emotions threatened to bring me to my knees. Life is precious. Very. And I’m praying for that boy’s family, believe me!!

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      2. I already have. And it was very difficult. It’s going to take more then once to feel comfortable again in that gym. Perhaps I never will. But I must continue my workouts for me. There is no other gym close enough to allow my time schedule. So I have to go to this one.

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  2. This is such a sobering piece, thank you for sharing it with us. I think writing letters to your siblings is a beautiful thing to do as you say, not so much for them but you. This seems like the ultimate act of self-compassion. In thinking about a particular family member of mine just the thought of attempting any type of contact fills me with so much dread but your words have given me pause. 💗

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    1. Stephanie, bless you for confirming for me that I was right to publish this post. I was very hesitant to do so on account of the holidays. But, the lesson I am getting from out of this, I am sharing. We just don’t know when our time will be up. And to leave behind regrets is what I am attempting to eliminate. I’m glad I am giving you pause about someone in your family. Believe me, I understand that dread. If your inner guidance tells you not to contact this person but to forgive them in a unique way just for your peace, by all means please follow your heart. BIG (((HUGS)))!!! xo

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      1. You’re welcome Ann! Thank you for your response to my feelings of dread. I’ve actually shared your post with a good friend of mine for her insight as she is aware of the issue I’ve experienced with the family member in question. At 59 I think about my mortality more than ever before and I realize that I only have this moment. In view of this and recent practices of self-love and mindfulness, just the thought of making contact with such a toxic person causes me anxiety. I’ve lived my life guided by the principle of trying my best to do the right thing even if it meant putting myself last. 🤗

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      2. I’m in my 60’s, Stephanie. And yes the question about my mortality has been on my mind as I apply the principal of self-love to my life. “Just the thought of making contact with such a toxic person causes me anxiety.” With such a reaction, I’d say then don’t make contact. Make sure however, that you have truly forgiven this person in your heart and let go of any toxic feelings you may be harboring regarding this person. I am doing the very same thing, believe me. I had a NDE experience in 1984 and the main message I brought back with me is not to go to your deathbed with unforgiveness in your heart. So yes, do this for you in the way best suited for you. Talk it over with those you trust as to what to do that is in your highest good. Thank you for sharing this post with your good friend. Perhaps that good friend and you can talk about this and by doing so, you will gain insight into what to do. I can relate so much to what you wrote here. This is about you so that you get the peace you deserve. Again (((HUGS)))!!!

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      3. It’s so funny how there are just some people we can instantly bond with. In reading your summary about being a Naturalist Visionary and those things for which you stand, I can feel good vibes from you. 💗

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  3. That’s a true way to bring love in the lives of those who are really hungry for love and care.In today’s world everything is available except love and care.Keep spreading the message of forgiveness and true love.Thanks a lot for the soothing message.

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  4. Sounds like a good plan AR…It is so sad that humanity needs major shocks to awaken our understanding of how precarious life can be. Here one minute, gone the next. I always feel for those left behind as well, especially if death steals their loved ones away during the holidays. Those holidays will be forever tainted going forward I’d imagine. Prayers for them all. I’ll give you a shout soon. I’m staying quiet these days to protect my sanity 🙂 Hope all is well on your end. Happy letter writing! Hugs to you….VK ❤

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    1. I have been praying for the family, VK. I cannot even begin to imagine the shock and horror they are experiencing. You do what you must for you. All is good!! Take care of yourself!
      As for those letters, I realized I haven’t told my siblings I love them. Once that is said, I am free and clear. All animosity on my part has been worked through and hard feelings have been put to rest as well. Now for the icing on the cake just in case I leave this plane of existence ….. I tell them I love them. Hugs to you, dear friend!! xoxoxo

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  5. Hi Amy. Wow, what a very sobering experience. I can only imagine what you must be feeling – such a difficult thing to process. I was with my mom when she passed, but it wasn’t sudden. That boy’s death seemed to give a gift of life. I am completely clear with my siblings and so glad about that. You will most likely feel the weight lift off your heart when you write those letters – and let them go. Take care dear friend, much love, Donna

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    1. Yes, Donna, it was an extremely sobering experience. And yes I am still processing it. I’ve been settled with my siblings for years but there is one thing I have not said and I will say it. I did not say to them that I love them. I could add regardless of what you did blah blah blah ….. but ego will not have a place in this. I actually have let them go …. but just in case I should leave this realm of existence, I want them to hear, to know, that I love them. Much love to you, dear friend. xoxoxo

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  7. That is just too sad, especially for the young man’s family who will have to live with losing him. What a sad experience for you. You are right to put things aside and let those who you love know that you love them.

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    1. I’ve been praying for the family, Timothy. I’m not even able to comprehend nor do I wish to, the hell they are going through today. Sadly, my brothers and sisters, with an exception of one sister and myself, do not communicate. We never learned how to amongst ourselves. And that is what the norm is today again with the exception of my sister and me. I don’t expect any kind of response in return from this. Now that I do have the chance, I will tell them I love them. I’ve forgiven them, accepted them that they have chosen to live their lives separate from mine. But to clear my conscious all the way, one thing is left and that is to say I love you.

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      1. At our Thanksgiving table, everyone had to share what they were thankful for. Our daughter said that she was thankful we were all (three generations at the table) so loving, helpful and tolerant. As she knows so many people who were either outcasts from their families or segregated themselves from their families. It’s sad to think about those people, as you well know.

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  8. Love opening image! … Resentment is much easier than reaching out. Besides, sometimes the other one is the one who created the divide. But you are right, still no excuse.

    Writing a true letter is a good thing. I recently wrote one to a longtime friend … It was a good feeling.

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    1. Aw, thank you, Frank, about that picture! I deliberately edited it to make it soft and dreamy. In my situation, resentment is on the other side. I’ve worked through mine, thank goodness. What is, just is, though. I do need to express to them that no matter what lives we have all chosen, I still do love them as my sister or brother.
      And good for you writing the letter you did. It’s freeing, isn’t it? I’m proud of you! You benefited from this. NICE!! xo

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  9. This is shocking and very sad, unfortunate incident.
    These real life incidents make us ponder over and over about the importance of this life. I guess, cleaning the slate should happen more frequently than we actually think or do.
    Writing letters is the best way to touch and win hearts ❤️💕

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    1. Yes, Dee, it was shocking and still to this day I’m processing what happened. Thank you for the confirmation that my guidance is telling me to write letters. This family of mine would probably, for the most part, ignore a phone call. Besides, the intention of these letters is to tell my sibs that I love them and not to be pulled into a debate or listen to harsh words, which would more or less likely happen if I called. I’m too different for most of my family to “get me” so they fear me instead. Bless you for this comment!! xo

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      1. Through letters,we pour out our feelings on paper and everything is in our control.While talking we might lose control. I still have letters from my cousins and father, when I was in hostel. With the convenience of phone, nowadays hardly anyone writes. But I always find letters close to my heart.
        Different people have their individual opinion about us.But if we know that with clean and pure heart I want to do something good,then nothing to worry about anything.
        Enjoy your weekend with your loved ones!!

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  11. Sudden death is always shocking, esp. when one is so young. I witnessed similar in college and years later my 22-yr.old niece. It is something that never leaves you.
    I think your letter-writing is a good idea. Forgiveness is for-giving oneself release from energy-draining resentments. Family, esp. at the holidays, can come loaded with all sorts of toxic energy, the closer the relation, the worse it can be. Man, they know all your buttons! I have one such member that I coincidentally wrote to a week ago. Whether the olive branch is accepted or not, is not up to me. I must ‘let go, let God.’ May Peace reign!

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    1. Oh, Eliza, I am so sorry for your experiences. I know what I am going through right now, and no this will never leave me. I like you will not ever forget.
      My letters …. I’ve truly forgiven my family and let go of the grudges. I’ve just not told them despite of everything, I do love them as my siblings. They may not be in my life, but that does not change the fact my heart is truly free to love them and accept them for who they are.
      And yes you are so right about the toxic energy. How do you get around that? There have been past holidays that I came home so drained. And good for you for writing that letter ….. that is not an easy thing to do. You are so right. It is not up to you whether the olive branch is accepted or not. Yes you will let go and let God. Again not easy!! May peace reign, dear friend!! Tis the season!! (((HUGS)))! xoxoxo

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  12. After witnessing something like that it most certainly makes us realise that those things we hold really no longer have any meaning Amy.
    Life can be taken away in an instant and all those things ‘undone’ suddenly come to the fore. Why? Because they truly are the only things that have real meaning for us, that connection and love within us all ❤️
    Great post dear lady, may your connections come from that inner place ❤️

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    1. Thank you for you kind words, Mark. I am still processing what I witnessed yet good already is coming from out of this tragedy. I realized I have one more thing to do to bring final closure with my siblings. And that is to tell them I love them. Much love to you!! xo

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  13. When things like this happen we are brutally reminded what really matters in life. A client of ours went through India for two weeks. He said there is so much poverty but the people are so much more content and peaceful than we are. I said, their poverty makes them focus on the real values and not any possessions which are family and respecting life as THE gift. They don’t even realize the little quirks because it is not important. And since they don’t the big ones have no room to grow.
    I can only second what you said here, Amy. My father died unexpectedly and suddenly and we had no chance to say goodbye. He was a very difficult person but thank God, I was led to a point where I could understand where he came from and realized that it was never about me but about his own inner fight. And I understood what it caused that fight. That way I made peace with him while he was still alive. When he died it was one of the first things which came to my mind: there are no open bills. Even when I think of it now it brings tears to my eyes and I am so thankful that I was guided to get there.
    As you said, it is not easy at all and often we don’t even realize that it could haunt us later. But it might. We do ourselves the biggest favor to put our resentments at rest and start anew, watching the other person from a distance and realize that whatever they do to us has more to do with them.
    Thank you for sharing your traumatic experience and the beautiful insight that came from it, Amy. I wish you and yours a wonderful and peaceful holiday season 💖

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    1. I think you may remember that near the end of my Mother’s life, I pushed my anger towards her away and made amends with her. I ended up loving her in a way I never imagined I could. I cannot imagine going through the rest of my life regretting I didn’t do that, and her dying with my anger still alive. I was given such a gift by her love and my love for her. I have tears in my eyes. So I can relate fully about your Father!
      I just came from the obituaries and now have a name and a real face for the young man who died. I left a message for his family telling them I was at the gym, how shocked I still am to this day, and that I am praying for all of them. His funeral is tomorrow and I just might go. The church is very close by.
      Now I know why he was so “overweight”. He played football. He was huge. His heart just gave out.
      Thank you for the wishes for a peaceful holiday. I’m working on just that. Bless you, dear friend!! xo

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      1. Yes, I do remember well and I too can relate to your inner need to not only be in peace with your mom but instead feel this love connecting you. I can totally relate, Amy.

        I am sure, it means a lot to them. When even or right because you are a stranger. I am glad you know, who this young man was and that you can attend the ceremony. May your compassionate heart find relief. Blessings to you, dear Amy 💖

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      2. Erika, I decided the morning of the funeral not to attend it. I did not feel comfortable doing so for two reasons. One, family at this most incredibly excruciating time, did not need to deal with strangers. They needed loved ones surrounding them. And two, being how tender and bleeding my heart still is from this incident, the emotions at that funeral would have brought me to my knees. It is hard enough going back to that gym, believe me. I pray that the note I left on the funeral home’s “wall” was enough for family to know that someone who witnessed this young man’s death, is praying for them.

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  14. My thoughts go out to the boys family, Amy.
    I think, it is good for you to force yourself back into that gym, as you will find more peace there by time.
    I think, that your idea with writing those letters sound good for you and you can release your feelings for this family and get your freedom back.
    Forgiveness is important and we do all choose different ways, as they work best for us.
    Just we get to release the emotions, as kept us jailed in ourselves. How is not important.
    Send you much love and a huge hug, dear friend ❤

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    1. My prayers are with this family as well, Irene. I’ve been back to the gym twice now since this event happened and it is so hard. It’s going to take time.
      I’m ready to bring closure with my family by telling them in spite of the choices they have made, I love them as my brothers and sisters. I am doing this for me. I don’t want to leave this planet without telling them this. Much love and a big HUG in return! xo

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    1. Yes, Sylvia, this event as I said shook me to my soul. This young man’s funeral is tomorrow and I’m thinking of going.
      As for family, I couldn’t agree with you more about it being precious. Unfortunately when we were kids, I and my siblings were taught to hate one another. Since that time, my one sister and I have learned how not only to really communicate, but to both appreciate one another and love one another. We had to work at it, but today, what we have I would not trade for all the money in the world. Thank you for your hugs. This week has been one shock after another. Bless you!!! xo

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  17. It’s dramatic what you went through and the people who were there were also “touched”
    We think so much about the family of this young man of 20 years.
    For the rest of what you’re saying. Perhaps (not at the approach of the “end of one’s life”, but at the beginning of the slow descent to it one should say, that people feel the need to write what they have deep inside them to relatives or acquaintances, friends to feel free of something, that’s what you meant?

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    1. I know there is a language difference between us so I hope you understand this reply. I am OK. I’m not dying or anything like that. I’m just bringing closure with some of my family members by writing these letters.
      I’ve been in prayer for this family of this young man. The shock of what I saw makes me realize how small our time is here on earth. And that we never do know when that time is up.
      Bless you for you for commenting. Much love to you. xo

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  19. Dear Amy,
    I can’t imagine what it must be like to witness such a tragic moment. I can’t imagine what this young man’s family must be going through. Thank you for sharing and reminding us that life and time is precious.
    Best wishes,
    Takami

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    1. Takami, I’m still processing what I saw and as for what that family is suffering, I too in no way can imagine or want to imagine. I’ve been praying for them. Life really is precious. None of us know when our last breath will be. Bless you! Much love to you. xo

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    1. Thank you, Rabirius. I’m still quite upset by all that transpired. Life is precious, is a gift, and none of us knows when our time is up. Bless you for stopping by. Hope you are having a good weekend. xo

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  21. Oh that young man and his family….how shocking. I was with my daughter and grandchildren last night, coming out of a movie and there was a man on the floor surrounded by people, police, squad being called. We hustled the children out so as not to be in the way. We talked about praying for him. The youngest said she saw the woman giving him mouth/mouth. I read this and immediately related. I’m struggling to write something just thinking of the families.

    I hope your written words are received with joy and acceptance. ❤

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    1. I’m still struggling with this, Colleen. The young man’s funeral is as I write this. I was going to go to the funeral but changed my mind, feeling that it really was not place to go. I’ve been praying for this family, sometimes with such intensity I have no words …. just with a Mother’s heart to another Mother’s heart.
      I hope too my written words will be received with joy and acceptance. I just know that I am doing this, not for them, but for me. I desire final closure and telling them I love them, will be closure for me.
      You are now in my prayers. It shocks us to our souls when we see something like we did. Life is precious and far too short. And we just don’t know when we will be called Home. Much love to you! (((HUGS)))!!! xo

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      1. Such truth in what you say AmyRose. I have no way of knowing what happened to that man. We didn’t want the kids to be there and I knew if it was me I would not want a crowd gathering around. From what I saw some people were standing back in shock, and many with children were hustling them out.

        I write because I need to but I write for them. We lost my father very unexpectedly and I always wondered if he had things he had wished to say. I wouldn’t want to leave my kids with questions I couldn’t answer because they went unasked.

        I hope your heart finds peace.

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      2. You did right, Colleen. That is something adults have an incredibly hard time witnessing, much less children. Those people standing back in shock …. that was me on Monday and a whole lot of others as well. Yes we know death is a given on this planet, yet we just don’t ever seem to get used to it, do we?

        I write too for the same reason you do. I am truly sorry about your father for that is a nightmare in of itself. You are wise to every day at least attempt to have a clear slate with your children. You just never know …..

        My heart shall find peace. I decided against going to that young man’s funeral this morning. Last night I was going. This morning, reason set in. Family didn’t need to have strangers at that funeral so instead I stayed home and was in prayer the entire morning. I did write a note on the funeral home’s “wall” telling family who I was and that I am praying for them. If I’ve told you this before, forgive. My head still is not on straight. And then today with my cats …. a doozy!! (((HUGS)))!!! friend!! xoxoxo

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      3. Ah AmyRose. I have written many times about death. One of the most important things I ever wrote, for myself even if it didn’t mean as much to others is….we never get used to death because we have never experienced the death of THIS person before. I suppose there is comfort in knowing we are each an individual and our deaths impact the world in different ways. Valued ways. Important ways.

        Thank you for the kind words about dad. I never want my kids to wish they had asked me things. So I write, answering things that I wish I had asked my father.

        And I think the messages we leave for folks on those walls are very important. I think you recognizing the value of his life and the value of their pain, is recognized.

        God bless.

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      4. Since I care for and love deeply cats who are not only my family but are special needs as well, I am very familiar with death, something that grabs my heart so hard that if allowed would strangle the life out of me. In order for me to keep moving forward, I have to transform that pain into beauty, which you see on my blog. So many times I find myself thinking if I had known what I do now back then, some of my babies still might be here. That’s life. Learn and hopefully get the lesson.
        Brava for you what you are doing with your kids. Not many parents can say what you did.
        In order for me to move forward from this shock of this death I witnessed, I am in the process of separating myself from the situation, knowing I did all I knew how to do and am still praying for the family. There is a huge blessing in all this. I now understand a lot better what my husband is carrying on his shoulders regarding the death of his buddies in Nam. As I told him, I don’t know how he carries that weight.
        God bless you!!! (((HUGS)))!!! xo

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  22. watching someone die is soul altering and someone so very young is down right earth shattering. I am so sorry that you had to experience this. Reaching out to his family is such a beautiful thing to do as they will be clinging on to every moment about him as they can.
    Your siblings are very lucky to have you, I am sure these letters will mean more to them than they will ever express.

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    1. Wendi, your wisdom is absolutely right on. My life has been changed for the rest of the time I have here on earth. I can in no way comprehend what this family is going through and God help me I do not wish to. I know what I myself am still going through, and I did not even know this young man.
      My siblings don’t see things as you do, dear friend. I’ve opted to grow and move on from that which we were taught as children. They however, are caught in the bramble and thicket of a nightmare. These letters will be brief, to the point, and written with every word from out of love.
      May you have a wonderful day!! Much love to you!! xoxoxoxo

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      1. AmyRose, You have such a beautiful heart and soul. Those of us who grow out of childhood trauma tend to end up with autoimmune issues.
        Anyway, I have prayed that your siblings feel your words and open their soul to your message.
        God bless you during this difficult time and for all of those who know the young man who crossed over this past week.

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      2. Often I wondered if the foundational problem of my autoimmune issues are directly related to my childhood. And now here you are saying what I have suspected. We both have to do the best with what we have now, Wendi. It’s a miracle I am alive and sane and I’m sure you can say the same.
        Bless you for your prayers. As I have said to several here, I have no expectations. I am just opening my heart and telling them that I love them.
        Thank you for your “God bless you”. I’m still deeply shaken and still not myself. I cannot even imagine what this family is going through. I’ve been praying for them ceaselessly. BIG (((HUGS)))!! xo

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  23. How shocking for you! Yes, I’m with you! You’ve given me something to think about. Imagine that moment coming and your last thought being “I wish I had…”. :o(

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    1. I’m glad, Wendy, that I’ve given you something to think about. Really glad. When something like this happens, it is extremely sobering and should make us think. And yes I’m still not yet myself. Even being a professional RN, I’ve never witnessed anything quite like this. Much love to you! xo

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      1. I hope it doesn’t continue to freak you out. I hope you can take something positive and life changing away from it. Take care hun xx

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  24. Too young to die! Must have been shocking to see someone die like this, AmyRose! Simultaneously it’s wonderful of you to write to your siblings and to bring the family together. Life is too unpredictable. Who wants to live with regrets? Happy December to you and yours. ❤️🌹❤️

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    1. Yes, Anita, it was shocking to witness this and still to this day I am shaken. I am writing for me, to free me. I have no expectations whether my siblings will reach back out to me. I’m just allowing things to unfold. To have this family come together as family is highly unlikely for if anything, the distance between us has worsened since our Mother’s death a little over 2 years ago. No, this letter is just to let these people know I love them as siblings. That way I will have no regrets. Happy December to you! Can you honestly believe it has arrived? Wow!! Much love to you! xo

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  25. What an absolute tragedy about that boy. I can imagine how it affected you, Amy, being such a sensitive soul. There’s a quote (can’t remember who said it) that goes something like, “the problem is, we think we’ve got time.” Maybe we do, maybe we don’t. When you’re young, it’s easier to believe that. I love your idea of writing letters to your family. It takes a lot to swallow pride and face rejection. You’re writing them for you. Setting yourself free, and hopefully them, if they wish. As usual, this is something I needed today. So incredibly much. Hope you had a beautiful holiday, my beautiful friend. ❤️

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    1. I’m still not myself, Julie. Just last evening, I heard words I don’t understand but with them the intense sense of “holding on to something” ceased. I heard, “You’ve done your job well. You held the place but now you are done.” No idea. Believe me. I know there are no accidents and I was meant to be at that gym at that time. Beyond that, I couldn’t tell you. I’ve also been in prayer for this family is who is going through unspeakable horrors.
      Speaking of time …. we all get so caught up in our lives we just don’t even think about death. Something like this however, stops us in our tracks. And makes us THINK!
      Facing rejection with my family is an ongoing issue. I’m past that, to be honest with you. I am telling them I love them as my sisters and brothers for me, to put the icing on the cake after all the inner work I’ve done to come to acceptance and peace. If someone wishes to reconnect with me, it seriously will depend where he or she is in their life. That may sound awful, but I am very careful to steer clear of toxic energy in personal relationships. I see this as self-love. I’ve come too far to be bombarded with gross dysfunction, the very same patterns I grew up with.
      As for you, I am touched this subject, this post, was a nudge for you. This is good. (smile) Bless you as you continue on in your life to bring more peace to your heart.
      I had a beautiful holiday, thank you, because I made it so. I hope you had a beautiful one as well, dear friend. xoxo

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      1. I’m on the same page about tolerating dysfunction. I don’t. I am very, very selective about who I allow into and keep in my life. I give people a couple of chances, but when those chances are gone, I slam the door. Unless, as you say, they have made the effort to acknowledge and make real attempts to work through their bullshit, not just talking the talk, which so many do. I place little importance on words these days. Let’s see some real effort. Good Heavens, don’t we both sound like battle axes. Haha. But I think we’re entitled after all the horrific work we’ve done and continue to do. Self-love is a hard won treasure.

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      2. Aw, Julie, you’ve gone and put tears in my eyes. Bless you for understanding. Just because these people happen to be family does not mean I must have them in my life. No way! We do deserve to be choosey as to who is in our personal life. We may not have that choice in other areas of our lives, but up and close and personal, you’re darn right we do. WE owe it to ourselves for hauling ourselves up and away from the travesties we both experienced in our early years. Yes we have battled and then some! I’ve come such a LONG ways from the shut down, shallow, confused, and so very lost young woman I used to be. You have as well. I applaud you!
        I’m with you. Words mean nada. Show me action. Show me you mean it. Back up what you say and then I’ll believe what you say. I’ve been through the lies and the manipulations …. and still yep I fall for them, but I have improved 95% on catching the rat. GRIN! My inner sense, and I bet yours too, goes a-ringing like crazy when lies are about ….. from a mile away at that. Am I right?
        Self-love …. yes! It is a hard won treasure one that I have every intention of keeping safe! Keep on shining and keeping that glorious pixy spirit alive and well. You are loved by me just for you, just the way you are, and for all the journeying you have gone through!! (((HUGS)))!!! xo

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  26. o that is so tragic and o so young, I am sorry you had to witness that and I pray for his family to find the strength on this heartbreaking loss…Handwritten gestures always speak volumes for me and the fact that you are trying to reconnect with that note is beautiful…Much love to you dear Amy!

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    1. Thank you for praying for this family, Neha. As well you can imagine, I have been as well. The shock and the horror was paramount as all who were in this huge gym came to a standstill for more then 45 minutes as we all just stared, not believing this truly was happening.
      As for my handwritten letters, it will be for my benefit and if they choose, for my siblings as well. I have no expectations. If the past dictates as to what these people will do, I will in turn receive silence. That’s OK. It is what it is. I truly have peace and joy in my heart. Much love to you!! xo

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    1. Inese, believe me, my heart has been breaking for this young man’s family ever since Monday. The horror they are experiencing ….. my prayers have been constant! And me … I’ve yet to get back to fully me. The shock is lifting but I’m still so out of it. Much love to you! xo

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  28. Thank you Amy! I identify with so much of what you have shared. Life is short as I’m often reminded. What you are choosing sounds healing and in my view an act of self love which for me is necessary before I can truly love anyone else. Blessings…

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    1. Bless you, Cathy! Thank you for relating to this post for we all should keep in mind, how short and precious life truly is. I’m still recovering from this shock, believe me! You absolutely know that before we can love anyone else, we have to first learn how to love ourselves. Much love to you!! xo

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  29. What a tragedy= I am moved to tears just by your account. I can not imagine witnessing that. Go forth with your letters-and may all turn out well-however, for you at least, it surely will. You are giving without expectations or the need to get anything-pure intentions are golden.

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    1. I am still having a tough time of things, Michele, yet …. a Great Blessing besides the letter writing came from out of this. Now I have a very good idea the intense weight my husband carries on his shoulders from all the deaths of his buddies in Nam. As I told him with tears streaming down my face, I don’t know how he carries what he does because I know what I am experiencing. His strength is beyond anything I have. Seeing someone so young die …. you just don’t see it coming and it’s the last thing that makes sense. It is such a shock to all who witness such a great tragedy.
      As for my letters ….. I really don’t have any expectations. I am bringing a huge closure to myself as I realized over the years I accepted and acknowledged and forgave, but I did not say, “I love you”. Those words when said and then read, will set me free. Much love to you, dear friend. xo

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  31. Your post speaks so clearly and closely of what matters in life, truly really. Each day is such a privilege, I take it as a blessing to be reminded of the finiteness of our time here. Puts everything in perspective – especially family relations that occupy our mind space yet there is a wall in that space that blocks us from each other. I have disassociated myself from numerous ones and yet there those who still hold space – gratefully or grudgingly. You are doing an amazing job of reaching out to them in writing – I am wondering to myself what is it that I could do on similar lines – so thank you for the inspiration.

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    1. You are so so welcome, Pragalbha. In all the years I’ve spent on forgiving, letting go, accepting, those who wish not to understand me or allow me into their lives, I’ve not said, “I love you”. Those three words will set me free in many ways, more then I could possibly put into words. Each letter will briefly be introduced by what I witnessed, how short life really is, and while I do have the ability, to tell each one of my siblings that I love them, regardless of what has transpired. Some, dear friend, I do not wish in my personal space. Toxic energy I am very careful of. Allow my words to quietly be heard and if you are directed in ways to bring closure in your life, then I encourage you to do so. With BIG (((HUGS)))!!! xo

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    1. Yes, Julie, it was quite the shock. I’m still to this day not quite recovered from it. Bless you for the support of me writing those letters. I’ve yet to do it. I’m getting close doing so. Much love to you! xo

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  33. Oh my Amy! I am deeply sorry for your witnessing of this tragedy and for the boy’s loved ones! Wow. Life is very precious and fleeting. Though it seems longer at times – life really is but for a moment. This is not our forever home. One of the poems I love the most is, “The Dash Poem.” It speaks profound truth of what truly matters in this life.

    I am also sorry that your history with family has not been a very good one. I get that wholeheartedly. It is very unfortunate when some of the most toxic people in our lives should be the ones who love and appreciate us most. Years ago I had to make a choice as well, even though guilt riddled my heart, to drastically limit my exposure to family. Your idea to write letters to your siblings is a beautiful thing. As you say, how they respond to you is not something you can concern yourself with. Letting go of any negativity and hurt feelings to bring forth the ultimate healing found in forgiveness is what it’s all about. Lives change with forgiveness. It’s a critical part of our journey.

    Thank you for sharing this dearest Amy. I pray that more and more healing floods your very soul as you process all that has happened. My prayers are with you and the loved ones left behind of this life cut short. 🤗

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    1. Holly, this and your other comment are so incredible I want to really answer them in depth. Please excuse me this evening as I’ve had an exhausting day. I’ll answer tomorrow. BIG (((HUGS)))! xo

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    2. Still to this day I’m recovering from this major shock. There is so much more involved with this story. Let me just suffice it to say, I am praying there is an investigation with this young man’s death and believe me, I will not keep quiet about what I witnessed. I was also appalled by some who were present who were actually taking pictures with their cell and either texting or tweeting. Myself being in shock, paralyzed, would have otherwise begun to scream at these people to respect someone who died and this is life, NOT their phone. As you can “hear” my emotions are running high about this event.
      Writing those letters ….. I’ve yet to do so. So much in my life has kept me running and IMO my family is priority. Right now Hubby and I have been working so darn hard to keep some pretty sick cats stable. That is my main focus right now. If I write those letters after Christmas due to the intensity my life is right now, so be it.
      And it is such an honor to share, especially something that is this serious. We all at times take life for granted. We all are living on borrowed time, as someone put it, and that should make us want to live each day as if it were our last.
      Bless you for your prayers. Holly, since this young man’s death, I haven’t been the same. I cannot even imagine what his family is going through. Thank you with all I am for your prayers for this family. He is survived by a sister, brother and Mom and Dad. Much love to you and BIG (((HUGS)))!!! xo

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