Written for Wendi. Bless you on your journey.
Reading the words, “Always the battle of the Spiritual Warrior is with the self. Funding a will though action, yet unattached to outcomes, remaining mindful that all you can do is stay out of your own way and let the Will of Heaven flow through you — these are among the hallmarks of the Spiritual Warrior.” [Source: The Book of Runes by Ralph H. Blum]
When I came upon the words I italicized, I stopped. But, I am attached to outcomes at times. And that is how I have been setting myself up for huge disappointments by allowing unconscious fear to rule me. How so you ask? And why am I doing this to myself? What is the real reason why I am repeating this pattern?
By “expecting” a certain outcome I wanted, something which when not gained, gave fear an opportunity to rise from the murky depths. After a very painful exchange with someone that left me in tears, I looked within, and found fear. I questioned what was the origin of this fear and why is it still occurring in my present life?
I didn’t even know this fear was still around until that moment! That very fear was created in my childhood, deeply seated, rooted in my subconscious. My Mother was never satisfied with anything I did so I looked to others for approval, unable to get hers. It seems I am still seeking approval from others which only means I have more work to do. Finding the original root of this fear deep within my subconscious opened a Gateway for Change.
Everyone who is walking this earth has unconscious fear lurking about. It takes a very courageous person to even see this fear within themselves and then to go further to identify from whence this fear orignated. Once the process begins, change is in for the making. Fear does not like change for it knows once change begins, its very known existence is short-lived.
Change hit all right. Fear is an energy that is very much alive. It does not like to be known, much less seen in the Light. When I dug deep and saw that fear within me and understood why it existed, the very next few days I was hit up one side and down the other with very painful scenarios I did not see coming. Situations and people pounded me relentlessly and I found myself engulfed in despair and hurt.
This was fear’s way of saying, “Yeah, I’ve yet to have power over you!” What fear didn’t realize, those very situations and people gave me the chance to begin healing that fear, by changing the way I react to it and replacing my dysfunctional coping mechanisms learned in childhood with healthy actions. This breaks the pattern. This in turn breaks the chain of command fear had over me. I am thereby taking my power back as is my God given right to do so! Instead of me submitting to fear, fear kneels to me!
Determined to rid myself of this particular fear first I journaled. I wrote until my hand just about fell off. Then, consciously LOVING that fear I found deep in my subconscious, I am accepting it as a part of me for all these many years, telling it that it no longer serves a purpose in the capacity it had previously to my discovery of it. I am Love not fear. I am proud of who I am, and fear will not steal from me all the progress I have made on myself. It’s a constant awareness in all situations, so that when fear does again strike, I understand the truth why this is happening, so that I can in turn be neutral. Unhooking from fear and sending Love to it in any form it takes, sends fear a message that it has no place to hook its razor sharp claws into me.
Do you know what fear does to you? Firstly, you fight yourself and you don’t even know it! How is it possible to succeed when you are fighting yourself? It’s not! Secondly, fear is a vasoconstrictor. That is readying the body for “flight or fight” state, and when in that state for extended periods of time, dis-ease begins to manifest. Fear creates generalized tension in your entire body! And that tension turns one ill.
Fear kills, creates dis-ease, and causes mayhem that is detrimental to health. But first you have to find your own fears. Let me be the first to enlighten you …. fear and its true origin will elude you. It takes a very courageous person to even attempt to find those fears. I was stunned by what I found and you will be too. This dark fellow and all its bedfellows do all they know how to do to camouflage themselves for the sole reason they want to rule and live. Don’t let fear bring you down. If allowed to rule, fear will make your life a living hell.
Empower yourself by finding the fears that exist in you to bring to an end fear’s Reign of Suffocation and Annihilation. It’s a long journey but one you will not regret taking! Remember, this is a process that takes a long time to achieve. There are phases we think we have got our unconscious fears licked, then again, we get triggered and we stagger not understanding. That only shows that all of the root has not been dug out or the origin of that unconscious fear you still don’t have right. Be gentle on you. When overwhelmed, take a time out to enjoy Life, have some fun. This process cannot be forced for if you do try to force the process, those fears will consistently elude you.
Stepping onto the Path of the Spiritual Warrior is indeed challenging. Once you embark on this journey, there is no looking back. Regardless of this incredibly difficult journey, you will time and time again thank yourself for setting yourself free to fly high. Yes! You can do this!
Photography/ “Unconscious Fear”/ Sept. 2019©AmyRose Photography