Our precious Bella lost her fight to live at 8:30am on April 1st. Her little body finally gave out after many years of being unwell. Mom and Dad were right there with her as she passed. For hours afterwards, Mom, Dad and all her brothers and sisters were able to say goodbye. This death was difficult yes to witness, for she not only stroked but had a clonic-tonic seizure unable to breathe. Thank God she lost consciousness seconds after when disaster struck.
Before all this, Hubby and I worked around the clock for weeks on end, seeing how poorly our Bella was doing. At times both of us dropped from exhaustion yet we just didn’t stop. If there was any chance Bella could pull herself out of this downslide, we gave her every opportunity to do so. Bella had proven to us countless times she came back after a seemingly “oh oh this is it” Heart-in-our-throats event. Unfortunately, this time that was not Bella’s fate. This time she succumbed to go HOME.
With Bella’s passing, we were given the necessary time needed to properly let go and say our goodbyes. With euthanasia there is not enough time between death and the carrying of the body out the door minutes after the passing. We as parents require and deserve time to hold our babies, to cry, to mourn, to sing, to talk to them, and to then let them go. We spent almost 5 hours with her after her Heart ceased beating. We are so much more at Peace with Bella’s death then with any other of our babies’ deaths.
From now on, whether it is a natural death or if euthanasia must be employed, we will mourn properly until we are ready to go to a private crematorium of our choice. No more hurry hurry, rush rush, oh you don’t want to see this …. death is awful, something to avoid. No more someone pressuring us to leave or for someone to leave with our baby in a basket. Now we are doing this our way. Darn it, we are giving ourselves the time we need in order to let go someone who we Love with all of our Hearts.
And we also are making sure from now on, that our babies’ bodies are put into the crematorium oven. When we did leave our house Monday afternoon to go to the crematorium after hours of saying goodbye, we didn’t leave until we saw Bella gently placed inside the cremation kiln. You better believe it was hard to do. I didn’t want to let her out of my arms. She still smelled like my Bella as I kissed and kissed and kissed her, my tears falling on her precious face. And then, knowing I had to, I handed her over to the gentle-man who proceeded to start the cremation. Upon the closure of the crematory kiln door, we returned home.
This is our third baby loss in just four months. Both Hubby and I must focus on remaining steady and calm, because we have some pretty ill cats that must go in to see our new Vet. We are attempting to avoid the major grieving process of a loss our cat family exhibits that lasts approximately four to six weeks, for them to tolerate the stress of going to see the Vet.
We are celebrating Bella’s life. She lived a Beautiful life. She lived according to her. And her suffering and struggling are finally over. Yet, no matter that struggle, she never told me, “Mom, I’ve had enough.” In the end, she could barely walk, yet right up until moments before she was dying, she was eating, drinking, peeing and pooing. Where she got her strength from, I do not know. She actually emptied her bladder so there would be no mess. Yes, I believe Bella knew what was coming. Her parents, however, did not.
Bella Marie born October 29, 2001, died April 1, 2019
You are Loved Eternally, Bella Marie
*Not sure if I can answer comments. I will not be blogging.*
Photography/ “Bella Marie”/ April 2019©AmyRose Photography