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Mr. Security

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I was on red alert for weeks. I knew something was wrong. I just didn’t know what. I became super vigilant as I observed, wracking my brains as I did so in an attempt to figure things out so I could help him.

He was comfort purring. He was craving heat, laying by the heat registers. He wasn’t eating as he usually does. He was laying in places he normally doesn’t. He wasn’t waking me up in the mornings by jumping on my bladder. He didn’t come for snackies.

CUDDLES VIDEO BEGGING FOR FOOD

[Please watch.]

He stopped bugging me for food the minute I cleaned up the breakfast dishes.

Yet I could not put my finger on what was going on.

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Then, suddenly he began to have trouble walking, loosing his balance and actually falling. His eyes looked as though he was extremely dizzy. That’s it, I said to myself. I’m calling our Vet.

We brought him in as I carefully explained the symptoms he was displaying. Unfortunately, our Vet could only focus on the fact he had a heart murmur and that his lungs sounded noisy. Nothing was spoken about regarding the neurological behaviors being displayed.

*Friends, we are all human. No blame here towards our Vet. We all make mistakes. When I did speak with him on the phone after Cuddles’ passed, I believe he knew he had erred badly. You could say our Beloved Cat is now making our Vet think regarding how he approaches an exam of an animal.*

He was brought home. I observed him closely. He seemed all right. He was laying behind our couch, an abnormal behavior for him yes, but he seemed stable. I elected to watch a TV series for a few hours just to chill. When next I went to check on him, the alarm bells screamed frantically.

There he was with all four legs extended rigidly pushing on the couch with his neck extended arching back over his body. At that moment I knew he was in huge trouble. I ran to Hubby telling him we must call the in-home euthanasia Vet. Our Beloved Cuddles was displaying extremely severe symptoms. He had lost all voluntary muscle control with his body beginning to contort into a huge spasm.

If any of you have ever experienced a muscle spasm, you know how excruciating that is.

I shouldn’t have moved him but I had to. I knew no one could get back there to help him if I left him behind the couch. The pain I caused him by carrying him to the front of the couch, haunts me. I had to stay there with Cuddles until Hubby got there to keep gentle pressure on the back of his head so his head would not arch back too far, cutting his airway off.

I called our in-home euthanasia Vet. Three times I put in an urgent call but only received her answering service. Thank God we have a back-up Vet to call which I did. I was told this organization does not make emergency calls but I begged. I pleaded. And I reinforced how urgent this was. There was no way this cat could be moved to run to an ER.

Ten-fifteen that night, this Vet arrived at our home, God bless him! He took one look at Cuddles and said, “Oh, this is really bad.” He immediately before the paperwork was signed gave Cuddles an injection for pain. Within minutes Cuddles began to relax and I was able to then wrap myself around him to sing my goodnight song to him. Upon the second injection, his Spirit left in under 2 seconds. I felt his beautiful Soul leave. The moment his Heart stopped, blood began to run from his nose. I knew right then how critically ill Cuddles had been and that most likely he had been suffering from a brain tumor that had metastasized. More then likely he was bleeding internally.

 

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Hubby lost his pal who was with him all the time and followed him like a dog.

I lost my duet partner who sang with me. Every morning I had to put my sneakers on with my foot way up in the air or fight for my socks because Cuddles played with both my laces and my socks. He was a Master Artist making art with paper. This cat waited until Daddy was finished with installing the sump pump before he showed us how sick he truly was. In my book, he is a Hero.

A prayer of mine was answered but I’m telling you from my Heart, the shock of what just happened is worse then a long-drawn out affair. In my prayer I asked that my babies’ demises would not be drawn out but quick and painless. Cuddles was far from not being in pain, but I managed to do my best for him with the narcotic pain medicine I have for my cats.

 

We’ve known Cuddles since he was a kitten. There came a day when Hubby was outside and this small white furry ball from the barn next door, literally hurled himself at him, crawling up his body to snuggle into his chest. Hence his name. Cuddles was only 14-years old. He was our Mr. Security of this house. He passed to the Rainbow Bridge on February 4th approximately 10:45pm.

*I’m leaving comments open. I’m not sure if I will be able to answer them.*
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Photography/ “Mr. Security”/ February©AmyRose Photography
http://www.herladypinkrose.wordpress.com

91 thoughts on “Mr. Security”

    1. Gigi, I felt your empathy and your Heartfelt compassion. I had to walk away from this laptop just crumpled in tears. You of anyone understands how devastating this is for me. Bless you for reaching out to me.

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  2. Cuddles want you to know he loves you and he is ok now. He knows you did your best, just keep all his love and wonderful memories in your heart. With love, Susana* ❤

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      1. I feel the loss of pets badly and so when my pet dobermann passed at age 13, I swore never to have another pet as it was just too heart wrenching to deal with it. So, I know how you feel but it would be unfair for me to say I feel what you feel…stay comforted Amy and know that each cat that lived with you, got your warmth and love – most importantly, they were well cared. Blessings.

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      2. GH, when my fur family have arrived at the Rainbow Bridge, I will not be getting any more cats or dogs. These cats are our family and to loose them one by one, over and over again, is more excruciating then I can possibly put into words. Blessings to you.

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  6. So sorry for your loss, I’m sure you both are feeling it. Cuddles sounds like a great companion who provided lots of love and joy to the family. You guys really care about your kids and treat them with the utmost respect and love. Sending thoughts and prayers. Many hugs, Love, Donna

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    1. Yes, Donna, our kids mean the world to us. Once again my Heart is torn from out of my chest and I have to find a way to again climb back into JOY once I allow all the tears to fall. Cuddles was such a reassuring presence in this home. His strength at the end blew me away. I “knew” how much pain he was in. God help me, I knew. OH how I Loved him!

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    1. Barely can I see through the tears that just don’t want to stop. Bless you from the bottom of my Heart, MM. My Heart has been ripped out of my chest and still I am in shock. We just lost our Max on November 30th. And to be honest, I had a “feeling” about Cuddles but I just did not see this horror coming. When I loose one of my babies, it feels like the end of the world. I know also I have the “role” of “teaching” the unenlightened. That being said, I just so pray our Vet is really examining this Great Sacrifice Cuddles and myself along with Hubby gave him to learn by. XOXO

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    1. He’s here with us, David. He came to both of us the very night he transited, jumping on the bed, reassuring us he is now fully healed and we are still connected. When we Love, dear friend, the saying goodbye until we see each other again, breaks our Hearts. Bless you for your comment.

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  13. Oh No! Not again….AR I am so sorry yet another one has departed to the big cat sky…Our pets are our children and to loose them is devastating…And to have watched something so terrible. It happened to me as well, not the spasm but the pain causing the need for euthanasia. Lucky for me the vet came to do it at my home but he got lost and so instead of a 20 min trip it was over an hour before he got there and the cat was suffering terribly…It’s nerve wracking. Hang in there AR and know cuddles lived a well loved life and he knew it! Hugs to you…VK ❤

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    1. Yes, again, VK. This time I did not see it coming. I “knew” something was really wrong but getting no answers (again) I could only help him to the best of my ability. Your words are making my eyes swim. I can barely see to type this. Yes especially to those of us who “get” animals, this is devastating. I feel so lost as if my world has ended (again). I thank God that Vet came out at 10:30 at night. You don’t know how many times I thanked him. Cuddles that exact night, came to both Hubby and I, jumping on the bed. I’m SO sorry you witnessed something as terrible as a Loved One in agony. God! That rips your Heart right out! Thank you for the hugs. Bless you bless you!

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      1. Send that vet a nice gift for sure as a way of saying thank you!For a vet to go out from a place that doesn’t do that and to do it at night, well that is pretty damn cool…So glad he had the compassion to go out there for both your sakes…How many does this leave you with now? Hang on to them tight….Much love….VK ❤

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      2. We have 9 now, VK. For the first time ever, we have more girls then boys. And I will send that Vet a really nice gift. There really are some incredibly beautiful people in this world!

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  17. Love and light to you all Amy. You knew he wasn’t well and you cared for him with your heart, no better healing and comfort can you give dear lady. It is sad when a long time part of your family lets go but know he is in a very beautiful place ❤

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    1. Bless you, dear Mark. Yes I do know Cuddles is in a much better place and that is what I am focusing on in between my tears. This is what is so hard about Love … when the time to say goodbye comes, the loss is comparable to a knife that just rips open your chest. Thank you for the Love and light. We all cherish what we so gratefully receive.

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  18. Big Hug my dearest beautiful friend. I was thrilled to see your post in my feed after returning from my break, but did not expect to read this. I am grateful though for how you connected us to this experience through your words. This is a painful loss, you are so amazing with your presence for the departing soul. Much Love my friend.

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    1. My dear friend, your words and someone else’s when read 2 days ago, assisted me in letting go long-held-in tears. I broke completely allowing my cats for the first time ever to see Mommy isn’t as strong all the time as she looks. This loss is so huge, in ways I couldn’t even begin to say. I thank you from the bottom of my Heart for your Love. XOXO

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    1. Joey, there are no words to tell you how your empathy effected me. You assisted me to let of long-held-in tears and for the first time ever I allowed my cats to see me break. There is no way to convey to you how deeply grateful I am to you. Cuddles was a huge presence in this house and all of us are reeling and in so much pain. As you “get”, our cats are our family. XOXO

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  30. I’m so sorry, Amy. Our pets are family members, so sweet with their unconditional love and companionship. It’s so hard to lose them. We do the best we can to assist them in their final transition. My heart goes out to you. ❤

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    1. Diana, my family is reeling as this is the second death in two months time. (My husband and I take care of special needs cats who have become our beloved family.) We were just getting back to happy when tragedy struck unexpectedly and very violently. Yes, our Cuddles had a truly Loved life here with us, but that does not change how deeply the knife thrusts. All I have to do is close my eyes and conjure up how Cuddles’ energy feels and I sigh deeply, tension abating. Bless you for your concern. 🌈

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    1. Michele, it has become very apparent that I have entered an extremely painful phase of my life with death taking precedence. Since my Mom’s death on Sept. 1, 2017, my family has suffered 5 deaths. The facts glaringly stare at me in the face, in that, our special babies are getting older and will be transiting within a short few years. As I told my sister yesterday, I don’t know how much more I can take, yet I have so many more to guide to the Rainbow Bridge. This is taking a great toll. Bless you for your Love and Compassion. Thank you, dear friend, from the bottom of my Heart. XO

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      1. What a long and I am sure draining season for you. Loss hurts deeply. Please know I will be praying for you. I can not imagine the toll but I can imagine that your darlings are loved and cared for tenderly and I admire you for that. Best wishes-love Michele

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    1. Cheryl, this is our 5th fur baby that has died since my Mom’s death in Sept. of 2017. I have yet to fully grieve for her, much less my babies. Cuddles had the highest quality of life right up until his last day when others’ arrogance and blindness prevented us from making that final decision sooner then we did. I have much to change and much to decide and much to take charge of before I trust any Vet again. But first I have to get my sanity back.

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    1. Bless your Heart, LeeAnn. I am so devastated right now I do not know if I am coming or going. SO much to learn from this extremely painful experience. And there is a lot more to this story that I did not tell, guarding the privacy of those who hurt us. Bless you for the prayers. All in this house need them. XOXO

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    1. Thank you, Robert. Our cats are our family. If I had known I would fall head over heels in Love with these cats when I rescued them, I may have thought twice about bringing them into our house. Yet …. knowing me as well I do, I would not have been able to turn them away, either.

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  38. Oh AmyRose! My heart goes out to you. It is extremely difficult losing a beloved family member. And it is heartbreaking to watch such pain and not be able to bring back health.
    in July 2011, we were completely surprised when we found out that our little 5 1/2 year old cat (Anika) was dying. It was completely unexpected. Suddenly, out of the blue, she started dragging one of her legs behind her. Maybe she had fallen from the top of the cat tree? We didn’t really know what to think. It was a Sunday, so we took her to an animal hospital where the doctor did an xray. He said her leg was not broken, even though she could not stand on it. He said it was probably her heart and, if it was what he thought, she probably had only days to live. What??
    On Monday morning, we took her into our vet. She confirmed that Anika’s blood pressure was suddenly very high. It was suspected that her heart had thrown a blood clot to her leg. We were given medications to give to her- a blood thinner, and something to lower blood pressure. We took her home, but every time she tried to play with her brother–we noticed that she quickly ran out of air. So she stopped playing. For 2 days, she sat quietly by the window watching the birds in the trees. And then on the 3rd morning, we found her lying on the floor gasping for air. Her eyes were so big. She was terrified and every time she breathed out, her voice cried. We rushed her to the vet, but there was nothing anyone could do. The vet said–“It is her heart. I could drain the fluid, but it will just come back. ”
    Anika stared at us wide eyed, trusting that we would help her. The Vet was in tears too, as she administered the shot while we said goodbye. Anika never took her eyes off me, and the last words I said to her were, “Everything is going to be OK. No more pain. It will be OK. No more pain.”
    And then she was gone. Just like that. About 5 days after the time we found out she was sick, she was gone?!
    Her brother, Keona, looked at us when we came back home without her…And he knew. She was his best friend and the love of his life. Two years later (in 2013) I wrote about the love between my 2 cats, and I cried as I wrote. It still hurts. https://storieswithnobooks.com/2013/04/28/love-lives-beyond-death/

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    1. Mary, this comment is so hard for me to answer. Just last night I again cried as I lay on the floor, sobbing due to how Cuddles died. There is so much more to the story. Our family cats are all special needs, and with the 9 remaining I have to pull myself together in order to maintain their care. I understand how deep this kind of pain goes …. I don’t know how I am going to manage to get through with all the rest of our precious babies, Loving them right up to the very end. I read your story. Life does have a way of not stopping for anything or anyone, doesn’t it? Your comment and your post both deeply touched me. 🐾

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