Growing Pains

62 thoughts on “Growing Pains”

    1. I honestly could fry an egg on our driveway right now. I feel so sorry for the animals that are outside. Spring and summer are my favorite seasons of the year and this year between the really terrible spring we had and now the temperatures being way above normal this weather pattern that we have been having leaves me very very frustrated. Either I bite the bullet and attempt to go out in this heat or I stay inside. Thank you for commenting, LeeAnn. It means a lot to me. Stay cool. 💕😎💕

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  1. Hi Amy 🙂 I love what you did with the flower in the photo!! ❤ Beautiful. 🙂 I know the feeling you are talking about. With me, it used to be an almost constant urge to sell of or discard all of my belongings, pack a back pack and go on a long walk to the Rocky Mountains where we visited as a child. Then, sit on one of those mountains until I felt like coming down if that every happened. Unpractical. Yes. But, I took many an imaginary journey down those roads and up that mountain. 🙂 I would still like to visit the Rocky Mountains again. I have more inner peace now, though, and think I will be sensible about it. Plan ahead and all that. 🙂 What has changed? Hard to describe. It isn't that my life has become that much outwardly better. It is that all of the time I have spent outside the last 3 to 4 years has brought to me the understanding of how I feel Faith. For me, Faith is the pathway to peacefulness in my heart. I think peacefulness is often misunderstood. It doesn't mean apathy or lacking in compassion or inactivity. It means approaching everything from a place of solidness and peacefulness. Hard to explain. In any case, it has been a long time since I have ridden a horse. I find them to be beautiful creatures. If the weather is okay and I am feeling energetic enough, I plan to visit the State Fair in August to watch the horses. I hope you find a way to settle the restlessness or find understanding about what it is trying to tell you. ❤ 🙂 It has been hotter than hot here as well. And rainy. I hope you are able to be out and about again soon! Love and blessings. ❤ ❤ ❤

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    1. Isn’t that a FUN picture, Sarah? SO happy you enjoyed it! I cannot thank you enough for reaching out to me. Bless you! The last 3 years have been very tough but now life has stopped throwing those hard balls, at least for the most part. It feels like a new template for my life wants to settle in yet my life as I know it is clashing with it. Nothing feels right as if I’m no longer comfortable in my own skin. SO many responsibilities I carry. I think the “kid” in me is weary of all the “work” and just wants to kick her heels up to play. Then there is the age factor. I’m realizing life is not forever and it’s almost as if I want to pack all my dreams in now before it is too late. I’ve held peace for a long time. Lately, no. I feel the bumps. I don’t fit in my own life. I’ve spoken in great depth about this with my sister and we both agree I’m in the “in-between” stage of growing. Starting with this Spring when I thought I would be let out to be free outside, the weather has been so unfriendly. I really attained the place you are in now. For some reason the egg has cracked and a new me wants to emerge. Birth is painful. And that seems to be right where I am. BIG (((HUGS))) to you for your kindness!! And have fun in August to watch the horse, that are just so incredible to watch! 💞🌹💞

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    1. John, it is so oppressively hot. I am actually sitting outdoors in the shade underneath one of our big trees and I just came in to get my camera with the long lens attached because I am seeing the Boston Oriole come to our feeder. Perhaps I will have a second chance to capture a Boston Oriole up close and personal. Take care and stay cool! 💕😎💕

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    1. It is 95 in the shade right now. It is too hot for me to bike or walk or do anything much other than sit in my comfortable chair underneath my big maple tree. Good luck on your bike, David. Be safe. This hot weather is nothing to fool around with! 💕😎💕

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    1. Oh, Holly, when those of us who enjoy being outside are cooped up and prevented from being where we want to be, yes it is miserable! My heart so goes out to you! God I was looking so forward to this spring and summer and so far it has been a total disaster. Trying to remain positive is getting harder and harder to do. So discouraging… Hang in there, dear friend! You stay safe too! 💕🌹💕🌹💕🌹💕🌹💕

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    2. PS Poor Jersey! I’ve been giving her water with oral syringes throughout the day because she is just so wiped out from this heat. It got so hot last night that I actually put a fan where the service door is that goes into the garage to blow the air conditioned air out into the garage for her. It is just ridiculous here!

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      1. It seems to be all over, luckily the oceans have been blowing in afternoon storms, otherwise we would stay in the 90’s all day with a heat index over 100. It’s only July 1st. I can only imagine August and September…fall doesn’t fall here til late Nov. Poor Jersey, she doesn’t know what’s going on…luckily she has Mommy to take care of her. ❤

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  2. Isn’t this actually the most amazing and relieving lesson to learn. We are always where we are supposed to be and what happens is necessary to keep us on our path – even though we cannot see why. But in the long run, we understand.

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    1. Every single part of my life no longer feels like it fits, Erika. This is an extremely uncomfortable phase that I am in. Yes I do know it is necessary and I am attempting to understand the meaning of it. This continual weather misery since last winter has really gotten under my skin to the point I just want to scream… Enough already! I hope you are staying cool if your whether you’d way is hot. Take care and I thank you for your comment! 💕😎💕

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      1. I hear you very well, Amy! It was so bad for a while that I couldn’t even literally breathe anymore. The inner pressure had to become so big in order to me taking action before it blows me up. Not easy but necessary and now I feel much better. I hope you reach your liberation point soon in order to get rid of that feeling to scream 💖
        It is wonderful over here. Other than last year the warm season started already in April and never left us for too long. I totally love it!!

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      2. I trust in the “process” and therefore I know I will be liberated in the Perfect Time. I’m going through what I am for a Reason. Not easy to to do yet I pray it is over soon. SO happy for you that you’re experiencing nice weather. It’s been a very different story here. 😎

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  3. I hear ya AR !!! Its 95 here in VT and it is supposed to go all week!!!!! I’m getting nothing done and have a ton to do. Grrrr….Guess we are learning the big lesson of going with the flow. When I’m this hot I tend to not feel so up for going with the flow. No AC…Pant, pant….Hang in there. Blowing cool breezes your way, please toss them back….VK ❤

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    1. I could not even imagine not having air conditioning. Oh my gosh!! I so agree with you it’s so difficult to get into the flow of things when it just seems that obstacle after obstacle comes into your path to prevent you from doing what has to be done. Yes I too have so much I would like to do. Of course I send you a Cool Breeze is right back to you! Stay hydrated and stay as cool as possible! Much LOVE to you this day. 💕🌹💕

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  4. Maybe your higher self wants you to stop for a moment and reassess your direction…or just have a rest miss zoom, zoom 😀 ❤
    When was the last time you just went for a hike with no camera…and just enjoyed what God has given you…for you! 😀
    You have supplied us with much magic Amy, and how you are feeling might be you are giving too much. Don't get me wrong, I have loved every piece you have shared.
    I found it difficult to stop and do me, I was too focused on healing and eventually made myself unwell. Your the centrepiece of this gift and I suppose you clean and look after all your equipment…but what about you? A day out for a picnic lunch, swim and just relax…or go surfing somewhere 😀 A change is as good as a holiday 😀

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    1. I’ve been outside today sitting under one of our trees and thinking … then watering … thinking … and then I read your words, Mark. I am listening. I hear you. My life requires Balance … too much work and not enough FUN. I’m trying too hard with my camera and getting frustrated. Capturing birds and critters does not come easy to me and I’m learning I don’t really know what I am doing. It’s like starting all over again. Then there is the fact I am drooling over a camera I wish I had instead of having my eyes on the one I do have now. Granted my camera really is not built for “speed” but if I really learn what to do, I can get it to work for “speed”. Make due with what you have NOW. That is how I live my life but I did get pulled astray. That new camera will come in its Perfect Time.

      It really feels like my life just doesn’t fit anymore. It’s uncomfortable. And since my Mom’s death I have not been able to sit still. Yes so much healing is required but I shy away from it due to the intensity of pain my Heart holds. Does this make sense to you?

      I’ve actually been slowing down, friend. Honest. I may seem “Miss Zoom Zoom” to many but I like to be active. That’s just who I am. I’m not going to the gym right now and I have actually taken walks/hikes without my camera. I’ve slowed down A LOT with blogging … I just don’t have it in me right now to blog like I used to.

      I really do want to focus on me, lighten up, cry to release this incredible loss I have in my Heart not only for my Mom but for my babies I lost, and most of all I want to have FUN. I’ve been having so much trouble relaxing. (sigh!)

      You mentioned change. THAT exactly is what all of this is about yet I am getting no direction so I’m scattered. If I could I would take a week off, a few days off, rent a cabin by the lake, go on a real vacation, just to do for me. That reality is not going to happen … not yet at least. So, I make plans in getting into the forest more often until I can see the tree through the forest. (smile)

      Bless you for this comment. I have so much to think about …. BIG (((HUGS)))!!! 💝💝💝💝

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      1. It is in dealing with our grief that it takes some time to come to terms with. And it is meant that way so that we truly ‘feel’ the empathy and love that it means for you in your mom’s passing. If it was dealt with quickly it would have no meaning, and also probably because we are hiding those emotions and not coming to terms with that journey. You have done well because you did face head on your fears so that you spoke with your mom from your heart, that in itself will make this part of the journey much better even though it is still a hard thing to face. Without that openness would have meant still holding those things from before you spoke, making it an even harder journey.
        But in the end, with your heart open, you are loving what you do. Give your heart a little more time, she is a delicate young lady and like your camera journey the images she is making now is so much more beautiful, as is the life you are now creating ❤

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      2. Thank you, Mark. My Heart will know when the time is right to face the pain. When it is too sharp it is not possible to go near it. Bless you for reaching out to me. YOU take care of you, please. I understand what it is like to loose health and how hard it is to fight for it back. BIG (((HUGS)))!! 💞

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  5. I’d share some cool weather, if I had any, Amy, but we’re parked over 100 today. I do understand frustration with photos, but that’s normal for me. I hope it cools off (for all of us) very soon.

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    1. Michele, you are such a sweetheart! You understand how important being out in Nature is and how hard it is when one becomes housebound. Oh yes those biting insects have been a horror this year …. I cannot believe how many bites I have that itch so bad that I am actually bruising myself, scratching so much! No worries … if I do gallop away it won’t be for long. I’ll be on over to your place tomorrow. (((HUGS)))! 💝💝💝

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  6. The weather here in Georgia is not as hot as where you are, but it is soooo humid and rains every day. The pollen level continues to be high, too. And though I haven’t suffered from asthmatic allergies in several years, this year it’s awful. I can hardly be outside even for a few minutes. I really need and want to spend time outside!! I need my walks in nature!!

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    1. Oh yes the pollen here has been terrible as well. Because the trees leafed late the tree pollen and the grass pollens overlapped, something that I hear has never happened before here. It has been a very trying Spring and Summer. I can barely take being outside either … it is like an oven out there! I too need my walks in Nature and believe me I’m feeling the lack of them. Hang in there!! BIG (((HUGS)))!!! 😘😘

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  7. It really doesn’t sound like the weather is coorporating with you at all. Definitely don’t want to get the gear wet but above all, don’t want to put your safety at risk by going outside in the heat. I personally like summer and don’t mind the heat but sometimes it can be too much for some. I like what you say, to learn to love and appreciate where you are. These moments right now may never happen again and we may look back at them fondly one day. Amazing photography as usual. Sharp and vivid, very creative ☺

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    1. Mabel, it’s not the point of getting my gear wet … it is the heat that is the most troublesome. I have ways to get around rain but this heat? No. I can barely stand to be outside. It is well over 90 degrees and there is just absolutely no air. Our poor Jersey cat who lives outdoors I am so worried about. I’ve been giving her water in oral syringes to keep her hydrated.

      Thank you about my photography. I’m going through a huge metamorphosis and find myself so frustrated at times. I’m learning new and this new is far from easy. I at times just want to quit and pick up a fully automatic camera. BIG (((HUGS)))!! 💞

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      1. The feeling like there’s no air, or you can’t breathe because of the heat is horrible. It’s like being in an oven. Hopefully it cools down soon and you and your gear can go out on some adventures.

        You’ve never quit photography after so long, so I’m inclined to think you will go the distance with it. Your stubbornness will get you far. Many hugs ❤

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      2. Mabel, do you consider stubbornness a positive characteristic? I prefer determination versus stubbornness. I’m curious as how you see me. I’m open to truth. 😙

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      3. For most part, I see stubbornness as a positive trait. I think stubbornness has that bit more of unwavering grit and edge over determination. Stubbornness is someone who is usually resistant to change but someone determined might change their mind. That is probably the downside of being stubborn, but I still see that as positive because that stubborn person has so much heart in what they do and with whom – and it is an honour to earn a stubborn person’s trust.

        I might be a bit biased because I am a stubborn person myself. All my life I have been told I am stubborn and that is a negative thing, and that a stubborn woman is much more worse than a stubborn man. But stubborn is a personality trait, and I really do believe that if you are stubborn, that will get you far 😙😙😙

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  8. It does sound as if life is pushing you towards a change. It might be time to rethink things in your life. When you start to feel dissatisfied with your current situation, you can learn to accept it and find peace where you are or you can open your mind to new options and consider those as well. Sometimes just realizing that the chains aren’t as thick as you think they are can give you a sense of freedom you might not otherwise have had. Just some things I have learned from my own personal journey.
    I’m more or less on the opposite side now though. I’ve been wandering a lot the last few years and I’m ready to settle in one place. Just don’t know where that will be yet. Sending a hug Amy! ❤

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    1. Melissa, Honey, bless you for your kindness and your wisdom. I’ve been through this place before and always always the frustration and the chaos gets to me. In order for me to feel Peace again I must realign my eyes to what is working in my Life and to the every day Moment. To look at what I “wish” or what I don’t yet “have” only leads to inner discontent. When I deliberately get back into my Flow and just gently put aside those things that I WANT NOW but are not possible, that is when Peace replaces this impatience. SO many in my life I have lost in such a short period of time, and I have yet to fill those gaps … so … in order to do so I get into my Quiet, not to figure things out, but to get me smoothly rowing my boat once again.

      Change is disruptive and it is difficult. Getting through the space between old and new is where we struggle and fight. The Moment we LET GO and have Faith that all we “feel” is within reach, then those very things have a way of coming into my life.

      I’m figuring this out as I type this. I cannot thank you enough for your words because they in of themselves flipped a switch in me. THANK YOU from the bottom of my Heart. THANK YOU!! 😘😘😘

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  9. My friend on the journey, I hear you and can look back on phases when I felt the same. I can see how depleted I had become at times and trying to keep up with my desires and the circumstances I found myself in – the most mundane normal days and activities became something to be tolerated. Just wanting to get away into another world – yes I exactly get the feeling. I wish you get to nourish and nurture and be with your inner being, lots of moments where you can relax in to yourself so you start to see possibilities that weren’t coming easily before. Your gifts that you share are amazing, yet I urge you to do exactly that which brings you joy without sharing it with anyone, keeping it all for yourself until you feel complete and ready to share around. I am thinking aloud 🙂 Hopefully it supports you, Much Love.

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    1. I read your words a few times, Pragalbha. And I thank you! Your words brought me comfort and hope as I’m standing in this quagmire of yuck. I’m questioning everything and seeking change where it is possible to change. Nothing feels right and it is as though I am no longer comfortable in my own skin. The shedding of the skin, so says the snake. Snake came to mind as I wrote this to you, for it is a symbol for transformation. How about the butterfly? Can you imagine the energy required to break free of its restraints in order to transform from a crawling creature to one that flies? What is the Universe conveying? Why am I in this place? What must I do in order to cross to the other Side? Is this heat wave the very constraint being used to keep me “restrained” in order for me to “see”? I usually can make sense of things when I’m out in a forest … it’s been too hot to do this. I was able to get on my bike for a while yesterday when the humidity dropped (not the temps) and for a small fraction of time, I felt relief from this inner pressure. I still don’t have the answers and I know better then to fret for the answers will appear in the Perfect Time. Bless you for thinking aloud. I’ve had several “think upon” comments which I have really been contemplating about these last several days. I send you Much Love for your lovingkindness you sent my way!!! BIG (((HUGS)))!! 💝

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      1. I understand, I do. I can say I have lived as a snake and also butterfly in this lifetime, while living in my human body, and have had to sustain and endure through intense phases of transformation. The most intense ones, I had also lost any awareness of self and become one with the process. It is the phases like you describe become more uncomfortable because of how much aware we are of how we feel. This the time when we feel resistant of moving into our own expansion. It feels impossible yet it is most important to be willing to soften into our Self and find way of easy Being. It is only when we let go of the struggle is when we are carried into where we want to be. The questioning and the seeking is the power of choice awake in us. Yes change feels needed and is possible. There is no constraint just a pause so we see clearly where we are being guided. The Universe always has our back. Much Love, Ease & Joy my friend.

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      2. Dearest friend, when your comment came in I just had to respond. I have not been blogging at all due to the intensity of this phase … I required all of my focus on me. Your words are exactly and I mean exactly, what is now unfolding. I stopped fighting and struggling. I let go. I made decisions and following through. I changed my reaction to a certain aspect of my life. This has been so deep, I have had zero motivation to pick up my camera. And speaking of … I decided if Canon does not come out with the “new” camera I have read in the rumors that is supposedly coming out, I have firmly decided which camera I will buy that is already available. One by one I am addressing the dominos it seems. I was so caught up in …. what IF I do this what will happen? … or … IF I do this I THINK this “bad” will happen ….. oh yeah. All in my head …. not in my Heart. The butterfly is emerging …. I feel Her. So many adjustments that all point to freeing ME even more. Oh and most importantly of all … I’ve always put others first before me and that has changed as well. HUGE transformation … a complete overhaul you could say.

        Finally finally the dangerous heat is breaking tomorrow and we will be getting relief. Any coincidence that I am finding Balance and Change at the exact time the weather will be beckoning me to be outside? No.

        Bless you for responding, supporting, and mostly for understanding. This one is a big one. Something within just clicked …. out with old in with new. BIG (((HUGS)))!!! XOXOXO

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  10. Oh Amy, I know that feeling except for me it’s the opposite. Here it’s cold and grey and my motivation is waning. But everything passes doesn’t it? Take care my friend, hold onto your dreams, know they’re still alive and stay cool over there 🌹💙

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    1. Yes, motivation has been tough. I feel for you! Hang in there, Miriam, and know just know warmth and sun will return. This too is for a reason, even when we groan inwardly and at times wish to scream NO! You hold on to your dreams as well … temps did decrease today, thank goodness! It was such JOY to be able to open windows. (((HUGS))) 💚💚💚

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  11. Beautiful water lily, dear Amy 😀
    I hear you with the warm summer. We have around the same temperatures here for now and next week, we should get up to around 40 C. – 104 F. and that is too hot, also for me.
    I do enjoy the summers arriving after a very long and cold spring this year, but I don’t need so much heat in one time.
    If you have a chance for visiting a beach and do some swimming, you will be able to cool much better down afterwards. I decided to visit the beach here tomorrow by same reason.
    Wish you all the best for all of you ❤

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    1. Stay cool and safe, Irene, especially since all you have been through. There are not too many close beaches yet I do plan on going to at least one for a photoshoot. There is so much that must be done that both hubby and I have been kept very busy. During the heat spell, neither one of us ventured outside much. Now that the temps have declined as well as the humidity we are full throttle forward. Right as I write this, I am waiting for him to return from his errands so that I can go to a Nursery and library. Our drive is closed due to being just done so I must be here to take down the barrier so he can get back in the drive. It’s OK to drive back and forth on but not hard enough yet for anyone to turn around in, which is not uncommon on this street. Please take good care of you! Yesterday I was thinking of you … I was wearing one of your earrings you made. Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting. Have a wonderful weekend!! Much Love to you! 💞

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    1. Be careful, Julie …. The more I look at my gardens the more “holes” I am seeing to fill with new plants (OH the Nursery LOVES me this year!) or what I need to transplant and move to another location. It’s beginning to look like I will be spending the majority of my summer in my gardens doing a lot of heavy work. This is where I belong for now … I consider this to be part of the healing process of saying goodbye to my Mom. Hope your weather is not too bad. Of course I am writing this 2 days after you left this comment. My hands have been in dirt. (((HUGS))) XOXOXO

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      1. No there is nothing quite like having my hands in the dirt. Your turn will come as spring approaches! For now I am redesigning every single one of my Gardens and I am having a blast. A lot of hard work as you well know but oh the satisfaction of seeing your work. I have plans in my mind I really don’t have anything blue printed out so when I do see the finished product it’s like oh yeah this is exactly what I had intended. LOL

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  12. Sweet Amy, how frustrating it is for you. This year has been an exercise in frustration for us all as far as the weather goes. Today my family held a reunion — the first one since June of 2000, and here I am, stuck at home with a fever that makes me afraid to be around anyone just in case I’m contagious. No one should ever feel the way I do today! It is so disappointing to have to miss something we have been planning for more than a year but it would ! worse if I made someone else sick at the big party. Some days I wish I had just stayed in bed

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    1. Hope by now you are feeling better, Angie. I hear you about the frustration! My frustration has lifted and now from being pushed back (or so it seemed) I’ve gone from that to super busy. I really feel bad about you missing out on your family reunion and I pray your fever is no longer in evidence. BIG (((HUGS)))!!! XOXOXO

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      1. Thank you Amy. The fever is gone and now I have only the residual feeling of weakness from being sick. I’m so glad you are back in control and the super busy mode. I think I am happiest when occupied full speed ahead so always just figure everyone else is also. Much better than sitting around feeling the frustration of not being able to do anything right! I’m almost back to full speed ahead also, slowed down today by a major water main break here in town. Not sure when it will be repaired but they are working on it full time until it is fixed since it affects the entire city. Fortunately my dishwasher had just shut off when it happened so I have clean dishes. No water for cooking but at least clean dishes to eat whatever I can scrounge up on! That’s a definite plus today. And unlike the first time we had a break like this, i wasn’t standing in the shower with soap from head to toe when it stopped! That one was a very sticky situation to say the very least. Hopefully my son will be able to bring me some water from the farm this afternoon to help with some throne room clean up problems, if you get my drift. Thank God for all the disaster training I’ve had over the years! I can still laugh at it all — at least for the moment. Tomorrow will have to take care of itself for now. Hugs. ❤ ((()))

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