This then is the paradox. Growing up I was not allowed to show emotion yet I felt and still do feel things deeply. Not knowing how to respond appropriately with emotion when displayed, my emotions needless to say, were all over the place.
I’ve been on a Journey for many a year to discover who I am. I didn’t know who I was growing up. That is a terrible predicament to be in. And this dilemma about my emotions bugged me! Over decades, I slowly undid the knots that held my emotions prisoner, learning how to express them in a healthy way. Too many years I walked this earth with suppressed emotions not daring to express them because I had very little control over them.
In other words, I was afraid of my own emotions.
I’ve learned how to remain calm in extreme circumstances even though I may be falling apart inside. I know how to express myself in a mature manner, not to the extent that I know I am capable of, yet I am learning and that is what is important. I’m learning to brave the elements to learn who I am and how to temper my emotions so they do not control me.
In my digging, I found a beautiful, sensitive, emotional, very talented and intelligent woman who knows how to Love completely and fully from her Heart. I can say I not only like me but I Love me! I was taught to hate myself and here today (lump in throat) I Love me. Wow! What a transition!
Do you know how good that felt to write? If I had even dared to say anything like this in the past and even to this day within my family structure, I would have been ridiculed, torn down, called vain, and even punished. (another lump!).
I ask you, if I don’t Love me and like me, who will?
Just how do I show my emotions now? I’m talking about a calm, balanced Loving Attitude, smiling as I go and extending a gentle touch to all. When I’m sad, I speak it and cry. When I’m happy I speak it and laugh. When I’m mad I speak it with Love. When I Love I show it in all I do. The overwhelming emotional outbursts of the past are gone and in their place is the new and improved emotional version of me. This is who I am today. I live from my Heart, my North Star!
I encourage you to discover who you are. It is never too late to start. If you already have found you, I applaud you for I know the dangerous terrain you have covered and the prices you have paid. When we own ourselves there is no greater feeling in all this world to have. If I can do it, so can you! Remember, this is the Season of Miracles!
Photography/ “Freeing Emotional Me”/ November 2017©AmyRose