The deeply engrained
patterns that dictate
anger and cruelty
deep in psyche
will not change
until the one who
gives life to dictators
anger and cruelty
see and acknowledge
these tyrannical patterns
so evolvement can come.
When a child is taught to act cruelly and is surrounded by gross anger, fear, and pain, that child grows up not knowing what Love is. I somehow knew how I was being treated and what I was being taught was so very wrong.
I withdrew into myself around the age of 8-years of age and became a keen observer of life, knowing in my Heart somehow I would change. I shut down. I was repulsed by what was happening around me but I was powerless to stop any of it. The hatred, the anger, the fear, the absence of Love were my painful reality.
(No special effects. Wind created ripples on water. Upper left is me on a bridge.)
Employing a survivor’s mechanism,
I know I dissociated.
How does a child that grows into adulthood, learn how to Love from a Heart that is full of gentleness and kindness when that Heart does not know these qualities? How do the patterns of anger and cruelty stop? And how do these patterns cease being attracted into my life? So many questions surfaced.
I read everything I could get my hands on to expose the Light into a Mind that was filled with darkness. Years and years I read and still I was blind. I did not see the trash I held deep within me. Yet I knew it existed. At least some of it.
Intention and Action began the process of healing to commence.
As I began to seek Guidance, one by one patterns emerged and with a deep breath I plunged ahead to change that pattern into something I had not known previously. No idea what I was doing I stumbled. I fumbled. I fell. And finally I did learn after many failed attempts how to change dysfunction into Love.
I was learning something that was not taught me. Do you know how hard it is to actually change deeply engrained patterns that thrived in my psyche for years? Are you aware of how tricky these patterns are and elusively slippery as all heck? It takes a lot of determination and focused concentration to find those patterns, understand them, and then transmute them.
Time passed and as it did my Heart gradually became more open, more Loving, more gentle, and my voice and face were evidence of the kindness I had bequeathed upon myself. My face shows a softness and a glow today, a reflection of my Heart, that was not there in my younger years.
I am far from perfect, yet the difference between who I was as a youth and who I am today are as different from night to day.
Change can happen, as I attest to you it has happened to me. However, do not “expect” anyone to change patterns themselves even if you stand on your head displaying kindness and Compassion to them. You can do that all you want yet know this. Until that person is ready and willing to change and walk away from deeply engrained dysfunctional patterns, nothing you say or do will change that person. We are only responsible for change to happen within us. That is as far as it goes. And no further.
Photography/ “Patterns”/ November 2017©AmyRose
*The woman who inspired this post gave me a Great Blessing. Thank you.*
Photo #1 taken at Reinstein Woods Nature Preserve Park, NY
Photo #2 taken at Como Lake Park, NY