When Is A Lie Not A Lie? (2 IMAGES)

Honesty is my policy.  It’s taken me many years to attain this state for honesty was not taught to me.  Then it happened.  I lied, or what I had considered to be a lie.

The degree of mourning and confusion in this house is massive with all 13 cats in shock over Tee’s sudden death.  And that is not counting Mom and Dad. 

My husband has this habit of informing me he is going somewhere moments before he walks out the door.  That is not very responsible and yes it is very frustrating for me.  He did this yesterday morning.  I could not believe that even he knowing I would be gone hiking, would still leave this house to see a friend of his.

I had spoken to him the day before telling him I had to go hiking the next day.  Yes I am responsible.  I also told him I don’t feel comfortable that both of us are gone from this house at the same time on account of what these cats are suffering right now.  He insisted however on going regardless.

Hubby left.  Within one hour after he did I left, headed for my favorite forest.  I was so upset that hubby was displaying what I thought to be his “selfish tendencies” at a time like this.  He has done this so many times in the past which of course did not help my anger one bit.  I hit the trail, not knowing if I could do it having legs that felt so weak and filled with pain, and lungs that did not appreciate being forced to breathe hard.  Yet I pushed on.  My Heart was telling me how extremely important right now was to start getting me back together again.  There was no other option for this hike but to do it.

About the time hubby told me he would return home, I texted him to please go home if he already had not done so.  I received no answer.  I became angry again.  I waited giving him the benefit of doubt that perhaps he had not seen my text.  I let 20 minutes go by before I decided to again text him.  It was one word.

Wow.

By that I meant “Wow, I am shocked you are not even thinking about our babies while you are having fun with your friend.”   I assumed this was the case. Again I was basing my “reaction” on what he has done so many times in past years.  Suddenly I received a text from hubby asking me what I meant by wow and that he had come home at about the time I had texted him.

OMG!  The man really did follow through with his word.  Could it be he’s finally understanding the concept of what you say you do?

I definitely was in the wrong about what I had assumed hubby was doing.  Darn it I allowed the past to dictate to me my emotional response.  I asked myself, “Do I tell him the truth about why I wrote “wow” or do I say something else?”  I really thought long and hard about it.  Hubby and I haven’t been getting along lately with just too much pain between the two of us.  And I did not want to take a chance to pour more oil on the fire.

Friction and sparks and jabs and anger.  OH how I wanted this to stop.

So I lied.  I texted hubby I had a “feeling” he had come home and I was so proud that he was a big enough person to put his kids first before himself.  Here he is “finally” displaying adult behavior and I just had to reinforce it … And because of that lie, when I did arrive home after a very challenging hike, the tension between hubby and I was lessened.  I breathed such a huge sigh of relief that for the time being hubby and I were not acting like two boxers in a ring.

I ask you.  Is what I did considered a lie?  From where I am in life, my answer is no.  I acted in a way that I thought to be the Highest Good.  These strict barriers between what is a lie and what is not is becoming blurred to me.  I will say this right out, that I’m glad I told hubby what I did in the Moment I did so.

The Truth came out the following day when I knew hubby was in a better place.  I told him what I did and why and I asked for his forgiveness.  Yet, would I again “lie” IF the Moment called for it?  Yes I would.  Would you?

Photography/ “When Is A Lie Not A Lie?”/ Oct. 2017©AmyRose
http://www.herladypinkrose.wordpress.com

Photographs taken at Chestnut Ridge Park, NY.

🤔🦋🤔

47 thoughts on “When Is A Lie Not A Lie? (2 IMAGES)

  1. I think by being true to yourself (for your highest good) at that moment was much more important than passing judgment on yourself based on the definition of, “lying”. I would have done the exact same thing in your situation. I think we do ourselves such as disservice if we opt for what we ‘think’ is proper according to ‘others’, as opposed to listening to what is best for us. I applaud you, dear Amy. Hugs and blessings, Cher xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh wow, thank you, Cher! So you honestly get it! Good for you! I’ve been doing so much thinking lately on how we are conditioned in so many ways and at times will follow like a blind sheep IF we don’t catch ourselves. I really do my ultimate best at all times to honor myself and my life regardless of what others say. I’m so touched by your response. Thank you so much!!! Much Love, Amy🌹

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      1. I honestly do get it, Amy! I have been in this type of situation so many times that I finally had to say, “enough is enough!” Why was I putting my own well-being second to saying or doing what others think is correct, right, or ‘not lying’ if that makes sense? We are sooooo incredibly conditioned that way, aren’t we? But in the long run, we are literally responsible for our own internal dialog. “To thyne own self be true.” Shakespeare had it right, my dear! Much Love to you too, Amy; thank YOU! Cher xo

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      2. I’ve really been reassessing my conditioning, Cher. I will no longer live with the attitude wrong is wrong and right is right. OH have you ever encouraged me today. Bless your Heart!! 💞

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      3. Yeay! Well done, Amy! That’s wonderful to hear! I often think of the fact that it’s very easy for others to provide us with ‘labels’ of ‘should do this’ and shouldn’t do that’. But in the long run, we are the only one who is living our life. When we can turn that ‘mental corner’ as my mom often says, and realize what nonsense it is to base our lives on what others put out there as a standard for us to follow, it then becomes almost like a ‘new us’, when all the while, it was actually the ‘real’ us; we just needed reminding to brush off the nonsense that others have bestowed upon us. Goodness, I have went on and on, haven’t I? Apologies for my soliloquy! Cher xo

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      4. You are just so adorable and you make me smile. What a gift you have given me today, Cher. For years I have lived my life according to me and I have refused to allow anyone to run interference with my life and with those who I love. It is not easy at times to hush the voices of the past, the conditioning, that tells me I am wrong. But I am doing it and it’s sure sounds like you are too. And good for you! Good job!

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      5. Ah, bless! Thank you, Amy! It sure isn’t easy at times, is it? But with the act of bringing ourselves back to center is like a reset button to me. Good job to you as well my dear; thank you!!

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  2. Where I come from, we would call it a white lie, Amy. Which means a lie said not to hurt the other part.
    Good that you went out at your hike and got time to think too.
    Beautiful photos, I would love to walk in that forest, dear friend.
    Much love and healing in your way ❤

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  3. I just had to say that I have a husband who does the same thing. If I were to just leave on a moments notice it would be an interrogation and most of the time not okay. It’s frustrating that what is okay for one spouse is not okay for the other. I think you definitely did the right thing, and I could see myself doing the same; even coming forth and telling the truth later. Intuition is important and when there is already tension it is best to evaluate, make a mental note of what to do differently next time, and move on. You knew there would be a better time to be honest and when there was, you were. My thoughts are with you, Amy, and I hope your hike allowed you some time to breath and let your mind go for awhile to a different place!! ~Anne

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    1. Anne, if I may I would love to give you some words of advice especially seeing I know I am older than you and that I do have expert like experience underneath my feet. The only way your husband is going to change is if first you have your ducks all in a row to the point that you find the firmness and the courage, based in love, to tell him his behavior is unacceptable and irresponsible. You need to voice the hurt that he causes you in a way that does not make him defensive. I know easier said than done because my husband takes mostly what I say defensively especially when he knows he is not walking right. When you do find the courage to voice your hurt do not say a word such as you but make it the personal … this is how I feel because…. Also the tone of voice is very important as well. I have finally gotten to a place in my life where if you can picture me hands on hips looking at him directly in the eyes telling him that this is not right, that you are no longer a child, but a married adult. You deserve to know where your husband is going ahead of time and the approximate time he will be away from the home. That is only out of respect for you. My husband of late has had several very hard lessons where he himself is rethinking on how he is acting. No he did not give me too much notice before he left but he did not lie as he has had previously many times before. He really did come home as he said he would. So there is growth. I encourage you with all I am to change this pattern because I can tell you with conviction that the older your husband gets the worse that pattern will become. It is not fair to you to be treated in such a manner. Forgive me if I have overstepped my boundaries but it twists my heart to hear what you have said because I understand how you feel. Fairness comes with both parties. What is good for the goose is good for the gander as well. I wish you all the very best and I will keep you in my heart and prayers that soon change will come for you and that your husband sees the light of day. 💕🐾💕

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks Amy!! He has gotten better throughout the years, but it has definitely been the root of arguments, worry, and frustration in the past. Defensiveness has also come into play and there have been many emotions. It stems from how he was raised and being an only child. It’s the worrying that is always the worst for me because of my dad dying in a car accident. Life works in interesting ways though because some how this response was left up on our computer and he saw it which led to him feeling bad, in kind of an irritated way, but at least he knows now that it still is an issue, mostly because if he has the freedom to do things without as many restrictions, I should get to also. Marriage definitely has its upside and downs but communication and fairness is critical! Hope you are feeling at least a bit better and thanks for your words of wisdom! 💕🌻☯️🌈~Anne

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      2. Hmmmmm …. I would call that Divine Intervention. 😌 There have been times my husband would read a post (he normally does not read my posts) and it would be about something that he did which led to great distress to me. When he READ the words it really sank in how his behavior really needed to be changed. We’ve been married 33 years and it is just now lately so many manifestations of what I have been trying to get him to see … to walk away from the dysfunction that he too grew up with … are actually being seen. I’m just so thrilled you have an open ear so I thank you for reading my words. I so agree with you that if you don’t have communication (clear) and kindness and a sense of fairness for both parties, much unhappiness will result. It’s taking a huge breaking to pieces on my part for him to realize his “selfish” days are coming to an end. BIG dance for Victory!!! You keep up the great work and yes it is work within your marriage. I so applaud you, Ann! 🦋🕊🦋

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  4. Sometimes I believe it is better at the moment to twist a little the reality. Impulsiveness makes us do reckless things which we regret minutes after. In some cases it is best if we ask for forgiveness of the lie than to let the explosion takes its final course. I think you changed the trajectory in a good way 😀.

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    1. My life is based on Love and Truth, D, and for me to lie as I admitted doing, there was a very good reason for it. My husband and I are walking through hell right now and to see him showing responsibility I just had to grab that moment to lift him up. The next day when I admitted what I did, he actually understood why I did what I did and responded he must start acting like a mature man of the house because he has a precious wife and family to look out after. Thank you for your input here today. Much Love, Amy🌹

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      1. Thank you. In time we both will get back on Solid Ground. We’ve had 3 huge deaths in less then 2 months time. We’re spinning, just too much to take all in. I really do thank you for your kind words. ❤

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  5. Oh, Amy. There are times when, as they say, you just have to choose your battles. I would have opted to keep the peace, much as you did, and talk about it afterward, just to be true to yourself. One thing I’ve learned since we’ve both been retired…there is a “familiarity breeds contempt” thing going on, our fuse is shorter, and I have surely lost much of my edit button. It happens. And with decades of life together, we manage to get over it all, and understand what we have going for and against us now.

    My personal issue is letting it go. If I don’t deal with things, I just hold on to them, and it will come up later when it is least expected. So, I deal. You did, too. Much love to you, go easy on yourself. Give yourself the kind of kindness and consideration you are so apt to give to others. You are worth it.

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    1. Retirement. That is another whole post and then some. It is a huge adjustment and transition what with being with someone underfoot a lot more then they used to be. Hubby and I are sparring because we just have too much pain to deal with and just like two little kids, we just want to fight. He was being great to me after he saw me fall apart when my Mom died and then Tee happened. I’ve begun to funnel my anger through hiking and biking. I used my Fall garden closeup (very hard work) to funnel my anguish about my Mother. I’ve never been in such deep agony as I am now, Van. I just know I must actively be involved in those things that bring relief to the crushing pain or else I know I will end up trouble.
      I strive always to be true to myself and in making the decision to “lie” in order to reinforce the fact that hubby buckled up and stood like a man versus blasting him away with what I “thought” he was doing, well, that’s a no brainer to me. We’ve both been under extreme pressure and anything and I mean anything I can do to relieve that pressure I will do. And oh, I’m not known to “keep the peace” anymore, truthfully. I speak the truth and stand my ground firmly yet there are always exception to the “rule”. And it looks like I found one on that day. I wish I could just walk out of my life and go to a resort in order to find nurturing and pampering and for me to deal with all I am, but that is not an option so I must find ways to release my pain and heal within the life I have right now. And I will. I’m really speaking truthfully here through my blog which is helping me tremendously. I know only to follow my Heart. Much Love to you this day! 🦋

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  6. As hard as the truth can be at times Amy, as long as it is given with integrity, it builds trust.
    I have been told the most horrendous things by even what I considered enemies, but among it I realised that as painful as it was, it gave me much more faith, trust and love towards that person, simply because the truth is actually a love you give to another…and yourself. That is why we feel uncomfortable when we lie, we are disrespecting and being unloving to ourselves, denying what we are within.
    You did explain that truth later which will have shown that integrity and built trust, but it can leave a lingering ‘are they telling the truth’ the next time a doubt comes up in his mind. It is something we build over time.
    But more than this, your ‘communicating’ is building that love. Even if there are many ‘bumps’ in your relationship, each time is building that trust and faith in each other, and most of all, it is building your truth, the truth with yourself that is building the greatest love of them all…your love…the one that we always give out to others because it is who we are ❤
    This latest journey is building that trust in you, hence why it 'felt' so uncomfortable at the time. But be glad of that, your truth is showing, and a love like no other 😀 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I totally understand what you are saying, Mark. Yet I am discovering crevasses and creases that require some deep consultation with Heart before words or actions come about where shades of grey exist. I stand for Truth. Always. I assessed the entire “picture” and taking in consideration the horrific pain we both are in, and how we have been sparring with one another, and the fact, hubby really showed responsibility (something I have been so earnestly trying to get him to “get”) … that when all was said and done I wanted to reinforce the fact he done did good. LONG history with this man who was taught to sneak, to lie, to change the story just to get off the hook. That “lie” felt right to me and as I texted it, I actually looked straight ahead of me and said out loud, I lied. And I felt nothing but relief. Now later when my conscience was speaking to me I knew it was time for the Truth to come out and for me to ask hubby’s forgiveness. I did both today. He took it well and honestly understood why I lied because in his own words he has not been reliable but now he really is trying to be. He is responsible, he said for a wife and a family so he must act like a responsible man. If a situation arises again where my “intuition” directs me to bend the Truth I will do so. This does not happen often. I’m the one who usually is at the end of anger because of the fact I do speak Truth and nothing but the Truth. Nothing is white or black, my friend. There does come a time when something is done for what is believed to be the Highest Good for the moment. And that Moment came for me yesterday. One thing my husband knows about me … he can rely on me because my word is Gold. I even just had a conversation with myself recently how I detest lies. Now I have some deep thinking to do. How ironic Life is that just as I was thinking that a situation comes along in which I lied. Hmmmm …. Much food for thought …Much Love to you this day, dear friend. 💞

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      1. When you follow your heart Amy, it cannot be anything but a truth. And I can ‘see’ that this journey needed to go the way it did, so that the love within it could be highlighted and break those ‘tough bits’ in your relationship.
        There are many more journeys than my ‘black and white’ description of the truth, and they are needed so that we can ‘see’ both sides of the coin to finally understand ‘our’ truth.
        Just follow your heart my friend, it will always be a light on your path regardless of what side of the coin you are seeking ❤

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh Bless you, Miriam. I truly don’t know what is up or down but that hike yesterday relieved the crushing pain in my chest. I am being kind to myself by doing those things I enjoy doing. I won’t stop living and I won’t give up. I’ve been dealt some truly horrendous blows but in this I look forward to the time I am through this Dark Passage to find myself flying even higher. BIG HUGS for your kindness to me. Man, that is SO appreciated, more then you know!! Much Love to you this day! 💞

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      1. Oh Amy, just keep being kind to yourself and doing what makes your heart feel good. You will find yourself, through all of this, even though it might feel so dark now you WILL fly. Never stop believing that. I honestly believe there’s a reason for everything, even when we don’t see it in the midst of the hard times. Things will lighten. Sending you hugs and love. ❤️🌹

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      2. I too believe there is a reason for everything except for right now it sure doesn’t “feel” that way. Hindsight will come down the road and in the meantime I will do everything I can to bring myself from out of this Dark Night of the Soul. Many HUGS in return, Miriam. 💝

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  7. I think at the end you’ve concluded the situation well with your husband the next day. I think that was the right thing to do and I admired you have the courage to do so. I am also glad you feel better even with all those events that you are in. Cheer!

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    1. Thank you, YellowCable. I am doing all I know how to do to keep the crushing pain from off of my chest. If I stopped to really “feel” the extent of what all I have suffered, I don’t think I could maintain my sanity. I may be going for a bike ride today and then another hike sometime this week as well is in order. I’m knitting a baby afghan which puts me in a meditative state and I’m trying to get motivated to use my camera. I again thank you for the encouragement. That means a lot to me. ☺️

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    1. Then you are a lucky man, Dan. You give me encouragement that a day will come when honest truth will be the order of the day. It’s not good to get into the habit of lying because it is too easy to fall into that habit hard. My Intention is not to lie either and most people find me offensive because of it. Thank you for adding your thoughts here!! Much Love! ❤

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  8. Hi Amy, Beautiful photos!! It looks like a place full of nurturing life force. ❤ I like to be honest as well. I think there should be an App for the phone that says when you press send "Do you really want to send this?" "Are you sure?" "You are in level 5 stress at present. Do you want to reconsider?" "Sure?" By that time you would probably be so distracted with aggravation at your phone that you might just put it away without sending the text which prompted the quandary with the truth. 🙂 Either way, it sounds like you knew what you needed to do both in the moment and later to help the relationship you have with your husband and this is very important. Lots of love and wishes for a peaceful and healing night's sleep. ❤ ❤ ❤

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    1. Thank you regarding my photography, Sarah! That forest is a very special place to me. I’m honest as they come yet I found a bit a wrinkle and so I went with what my Heart directed me to do. Thank you as well for your continued support. Bless you! 🕊

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    1. Even white lies can get out of control, Marissa, so a very thorough assessment of the situation must be done in order for the Highest Good be applied. At least that is from my own experience. ❤

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  9. It sounds like a perfect resolution has been discovered, even with a few bumps on the road. It is commendable the way you handled it with your husband the next day. With all that goes on in life, having the flexibility to realize how others feel and act, and understanding different perspectives will save the day in the end 🙂 Also, beautiful photography, Amy, as always.

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  10. Thank you, Randall. I’ve developed the ability to understand how the other person feels which has saved me many times in blundering. Most people think only of themselves unfortuanately. And another thank you regarding my photography. This park is extremely beautiful and very special to me. Much Love to you this day. ❤

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  11. Listening to our own intuition is what I go by Amy.. You listened to yours and it served you right.. When we do that and follow the flow of our hearts, we do what is right… It usually comes out right too .. ❤ xxx

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