Phoenix Rising (9 IMAGES)

When you are broken
in so many pieces
and torn, so forlorn,
~~~


when the pain of destruction
~~~


and of death
~~~


lay waste at your feet,
~~~


seek a safe refuge
one of Tranquility and Peace
~~~


in order to rise once again
and as you do rise
caste away death
~~~


(a death that tempts
and taunts) …

~~~


to bring relief to agonies
held deep within your Heart
~~~


by making a way for you to find
strength to continue on
~~~~

Photography/ “Phoenix Rising”/ September 2017©AmyRose
http://www.herladypinkrose.wordpress.com

The death of my Mother is the most painful loss I have yet to experience and it is flooring me.  I am keeping comments open today but I don’t know if I am yet ready to jump into full blogging.  I am beyond touched by the outpouring of Love, support, and Prayers I have received from all of you at this most difficult time of my Life.  You, my friends, are outstanding in your generosity, your kindness, and your caring.  The world could use a whole lot more of you in it!

The photographs of the forest in this post were taken at Chestnut Ridge Park two days ago where the EF-2 tornado directly hit about one month ago.  This was my third attempt to capture these images with the light I prefer.  And when the day arrived where I did have the light, yes I did bring my Canon with me but in all honesty I walked through this place of desolation without taking one picture.  I just couldn’t, because it was just so hard to look at much less stop and take pictures.  

Hubby came that day to hike with me.  (He’s the reason why we hiked this trail … he was curious.)  When we passed desolation point and were once again emerged in green, I suddenly got the itch to use my camera, something that had been missing on that hike up until then.  In fact, I had been bemoaning the fact I brought this heavy camera with me and here I am not even motivated to shoot.  All of a sudden Beauty jumped out at me that I just HAD to capture and then the “bug” bit and I became excited.  By the time we returned to devastation point on our way back to my car, I was ready and excited to shoot and doing so by looking for Beauty amongst the dead.

In my opinion every image in this post, even though some I do admit hurts, does exhibit its own Beauty.  I was determined to see beautiful shapes, textures, unique patterns even in all that death.  And I did it.

The image of the thunderhead was shot from out of my eating room window the same evening we went to Chestnut Ridge Park, and the picture of the rose was taken in the same manner.

I’m doing my honest to goodness best to step back into my routine but it is not easy. The last month of my Mother’s life took just about all of my strength.  I am recovering by eating good, resting, sleeping deeply, and choosing those things in my life that do bring me pleasure despite the tears in my eyes and my broken Heart.  Life stops for no one, and I’m letting it be known to all of you that I have still a lot of living to do.

Much Love to all of you!

🦋🕊🦋

56 thoughts on “Phoenix Rising (9 IMAGES)

  1. And much love to you also Amy. I know your heart will be like that forest, but it will also be like your excitement at the end when you can ‘see’ again ❤
    Big hugs beautiful lady, it is hard to see at the moment, but the love between you and your mom will lift you again and show you the beauty that connection has made in your life ❤
    Just be gentle and let 'your' broken heart re-grow ❤

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    1. You speak “truth”, Mark, for I too know when the pain subsides my Joy will return. Having been on this Path before I’ve learned just to allow the process to unfold. I am “seeing” Beauty now. Yes I am being gentle with self by listening to what my mind/body/spirit needs. 🌹

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  2. Please stay strong Amy! It will hurt I can’t deny that. My mother passed 26 years ago and it is like it was just yesterday. My father passed away a month ago and the pain is undeniably there. They will live forever in my heart! Bear hugs! Take care.

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    1. I am staying strong. I’m choosing to do so. Losses like ours hurt deeply which in turn change our lives in ways we couldn’t even imagine. May Angels be with you and your family during your time of pain. BIG (((HUGS)))!!! 💝

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    1. Thank you, Donna. I do have Peace sustained in my Heart. That’s the Miracle in all this. Yet, my broken Heart will heal eventually and a deeper representation of who I am shall emerge. Like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon. This too shall come. (((HUGS))) to you! 💝

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  3. Amazing photos, dear Amy and so good, that you found the inspiration to shoot, even if you didn’t feel for it before later at your hike.
    I lost my father 19 years ago, he only became 54 years and died shortly after. It was difficult to handle and I do so much understand, how you are feeling about your mother now.
    Send you healing, love and light ❤ ❤ ❤

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    1. Yes amazing how Mother gives me exactly what I need in the Moment of life when I require it. Never ceases to amaze me … and then the “words” come. Or vice versa. Thank you for your warm embraces, Erika. They are received. 💝

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  4. Continued Love being sent to you Amy.. and yes, going within your own peace is what I too have been doing, reflecting and just BEing.. and walking in Nature is one of the best healers I know of..
    Sending LOVE my friend
    Sue ❤

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    1. Oh, Neha, you are so very welcome, dear friend! I know not any other way now but to Love. Even when my eyes do cry and even when my Heart’s so sad I still Love. I will continue to share as best I can. I really don’t know from one day to the next what state I will be in … there’s a lot of ups and downs right now for me. Today has been an up day. BIG (((HUGS))), Amy🌹

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    1. Thank you, Celestine. Yes my Mom is finally at rest now and in a Glorious Place at that after she suffered so much in these past couple of years. She never gave in to her symptoms or to the disease but kept on choosing to live and to live as well as she could. What an Inspiration to all of us!! She left this world on her terms. Bless her! Hugs, Amy🌹

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  5. Hi Amy, a big ((HUG)) for you. ❤️ Healing your heart one day at a time. Holding you in my thoughts and prayers. I wish I could do more for you. Bless your heart 🌹

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    1. Bless you, Denise! Thank you so much for your HUG. What’s so frustrating to me is the “real” support that I am getting here through WP has distance and technology behind it. You have no idea how much a HUG would mean to me. Not one in my family (except for one SIL) told me they are sorry for my loss. Imagine that. Yet before bitterness takes root in my Heart I realize where those people are on their own Paths and in so doing, Compassion is felt instead. I am just so touched by your “Heart” that I feel through your words. (((HUGS))) Amy🌹

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      1. Hi Amy, I understand your feelings. There was only one person on my husbands side of the family that said anything to me after my father passed. It too was an in-law. Bless your heart Amy as there are people in this world that are compassionate towards others even if they are not family relations. We will hold you up and do what we can to help bring you through your darkest times when we can. And technology, well, at least we are able to connect on that level and perhaps more in time. Love you dear pond sister! 💖🌻 ….thought I pressed reply…darn

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      2. Denise, truly I say this from the bottom of my heart, I really am sorry for your miserable experience with family. How sad. I am once again backing away and closing the door between me and my bio family because they have chosen to continue to live in darkness and dysfunction. Because of my own wounds I am not able to surround myself with that heavy energy and yes I do have choices so again I go on moving ahead without them in my life. I am so honored that so many in my WordPress family continue to reach out to me to support me in this most grieveous moment of my life. Bless you, Denise, and perhaps yes someday we shall meet. Much Love to you! 💖🌹💖

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    1. Solace was not found right away, Marissa, because I really did not want to revisit that place in the forest where the tornado hit. I had done so twice so if it were not for my husband I wouldn’t have gotten the images I did. Thank you for thinking of me. That means a lot to me!! (((HUGS))) Amy🌹

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  6. It is with all my heart that I say I understand every word you wrote about your loss. It reached into my very soul . our love for our mothers is a sign of what they were capable of. To love unconditionally . To want the gentle touch or that half a smile that we as daughters understand from our moms. They are in our soul our movements . a true mother learns from her own child. Each lesson different but important. We take that with us with love and thanks if we are wise. We hold every line on there faces in our memory. We remember the sound of their voice the squeak in their laugh. This is what a daughter holds so dear and why we become the woman the daughters the mothers we become. Thanks to our mothers. Good bad or indifferent. We are a part of our mothers
    I wish to you peace and wonderful memories of the time you grew closer. When you are thinking a little too much,and you will just go back to one of your favorite memories and just remember. Prayers with you. All my thoughts

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    1. Dearest Roseann, your comment I have read several times and each time I do your words touch my Heart so deeply. Profound words you have left for me and I cannot thank you enough! I was not fortunate to be physically present in her life but every day I spoke to her on the phone. There are now pictures of her celebrating her life family have posted which I have been just devouring, filling my tear filled eyes with the precious face of my Mother. I miss her so very terribly yet I know she is a very Glorious Place, one where all her suffering is over. I am so thankful to myself for having the courage to insist on creating a bond with my Mother because now I have GOOD memories instead of bad. Not all my siblings are that fortunate and my Heart just goes out to them. Their loss is on them, though, for they did have the opportunity to bring closure to a very painful past. Bless you for your prayers and thoughts. And your words just stunned me. Yes I am more like my Mother then I knew but now I do know. I say that with awe and with pride because my Mom was such a powerfully strong and big hearted woman. I will be writing more about many things regarding Mom and Me and the Journey I have had between my abusive childhood and today. THANK YOU! (((HUGS))) Amy🌹

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  7. Amy, I am sorry to hear your loss. I do not know but for some reason I also feel the sadness in the pictures in this post. On the other hand, I see you have strength to go out and try to get back to normal with life again.

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    1. YellowCable, sadness is felt in my photographs for they are a projection of what is in my Heart. That’s how it works with me. My strength is not at 100% yet as I continue to force myself to stick with the hiking and biking and staying off the couch. I just this past summer regained my inner Joy after experiencing 4 major deaths and now once again, I’m in that place my bubbles are missing. I’m far from having my normal life back but at least I am trying. Thank you for your support at this most difficult time of my Life. Much Love, Amy🌹

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    1. Dan, some days are better then others and I’m still on the portion of my Path that I must force myself off the couch in order to gain my strength back. Again today I push by not succumbing to the paralyzing fatigue. Thank you for finding it in your Heart to support me at this time of my life. Much Love to you this day. 💝

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  8. Your spirit is strong, Amy. The forest and trees and all of nature teaches us there is no end, just a continual renewal of life. Spirit is never diminished. It is a beautiful thought to wrap our heart around. Blessings and hugs to you. ❤

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    1. I understand there is no end, Eliza, I do. Yet the matters of the Heart are a different story altogether and my Heart weeps and cries out for the Mother I just lost. Today the sun is strong, the air with a hint of Fall, so today will find me on my bike determined to bring strength and Joy back to me. Many blessings to you this day. 💞

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  9. I’m back online after my computer crisis, Amy. So good to see these photos, and so good to see you blogging still. You are one in a million, and this is the best way for you to work on your grief, your unique way of getting it all out in the open, and just letting your pain pour out thru the photos. The devastation in these photos is a correlation to the devastation in your personal life now, the tornado that has torn you into pieces inside. Time alone is the answer, and please take all the time you need/want/have. Don’t rush it for any reason. You will never get over this loss, but the raw feeling will eventually begin to heal. Don’t ask how long, because I still feel it two years after losing my own Mom, and I told you about that one. We made our peace, but an unsettled peace, so soon I’ll speak to her in heaven, when my own feet walk the Rainbow Trail. The journey has begun I think, but of course, I don’t know how long the Trail will be. Each of us travels it alone, and each of us has a different path to follow, but I know from past “almost” experiences, as I reach the end there will be some there to welcome me and escort me into the light. No, not crazy, just a case of been there, done that, and not happy when the doc revived me.

    You have such a wonderful future ahead, Amy. So many people are pulling for you here on this plane, and now so many in the next one also. Your talent grows by bounds, and your WP family increases each time I manage to find you and am able to comment. Knowing you has blessed my life and I am so grateful for that. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, and I am also remembering your bucket list, working on the parts of it I can manage, if you know what I mean there, and really, you should add Kentucky to that list. We have some pretty scenery around here, my own Ohio River, but best of all to me are the Lakes Region, and the Eastern KY mountain regions. I’m in a flat area, kinda boring until you go down to the river. There it constantly changes, always something to see.

    Sorry, didn’t mean to go there. Just want you to know you are so loved, so appreciated, and I am holding you in my heart forever. I hope your pain will ease soon, but know it will do so in its own time. Your photography is a wonderful outlet, and you have the ability to pour out all of your feelings in your photos. Not many people can do that — some of us have to cook stuff we can’t even eat! Take care, Sweet Amy. I love you always. Angie ❤

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    1. What a beautiful and heart touching comment, Angie. I’ve traveled this Path before and yet again I must find the courage to rise above the temptation to lay on my couch and not get up. So today, seeing that it is sunny, I am getting on my bike, even if I am a bit wobbly right now, and go for a bike ride. I have the route in mind which involves this huge hill and yes this time I will take a picture of it. I have to force this body into motion and my lungs that don’t want to breathe fully, I must force to heave and labor to get them open again. I know me well, dear friend, so once more I continue to drag this exhausted self and put it into situations where the sweat just pours and my heart does pound and by the time I arrive back home THEN I hit the couch for a brief break until I have to get up again to continue on. Thank you from the bottom of my Heart for your Love and support, dear friend. May your day be a sunny one!! Much Love to you in return! (((HUGS))) Amy🌹

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      1. You are absolutely one in a million, Amy. I hope the bike ride helped ease some of the turmoil in your mind and helped you find some peace, even if it it only a very brief one. Physical exhaustion is sometimes the best way to bring us to the place where we are able to get the rest our bodies demand. Your words, “I get up again to continue on” speak volumes about you. You are officially another sister of my heart, joining a very select few who have managed to crack my shell and gain admittance, not that this is such a great deal, but for me it is the ultimate way of telling someone they are special to me.

        Today,after many days of searching for the flash drive I needed to fix this laptop, and after finding another way to fix it, I found the drive! Now if the computer crashes, or if, heaven forbid, I should erase another hard drive, I think I will have the means to recover it for at least as long as I’ll be around to need it. I’ve offered it to my kids (the laptop, that is) only to have them turn my offer down, so I am now looking to a niece who is closer to me than my own children.

        As long as there is one other person in your life, and I think you told me there is one for you, it becomes easier to let the rest of them go when you have to do this to save your own life and sanity. I don’t worry about your sanity because I lost mine a long time ago and life is so much more fun with a tinge of crazy in it. You have the courage most of us spend lifetimes looking for, and you used that to open the Heart that meant the most to you. You will never have to say “if only”, because you broke thru that barrier. I’m still filled with “if only”, but it is being replaced with “too bad” now. You don’t have to say that, and I pray that you never do.

        Well, the hour is late and the winds from the hurricanes down south are blowing against my window, so I’m going to take advantage of the music provided by Mother and sleep. I’m doing that more and more lately, and hope I will go peacefully in that sleep when the time comes. You are always in my heart and my prayers. I love you, Sweet Amy. ❤

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  10. I also find beauty in those pictures and I’m so glad you took them and shared them with us. “Life stops for no one, and I’m letting it be known to all of you that I have still a lot of living to do.” I love this, it’s a powerful message and I have a lot of admiration for your strength. 🙂

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    1. Thank you, Arbie. Forgive the lateness of this reply. It’s been a tough couple of days for me. Just too much has happened and still is. Bless you for your support!! Much Love to you! 🦋💝

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