Karma

What had been buried
deep below,
the Light now reveals 
 when the growth above
the murky Truth
topples over
making Way for Love

~~~

“Do you forgive me, Mom?”

“There is nothing to forgive, Amy.”
~~~

Words spoken, broke two generations of pain.  In a mere few seconds, [dark] Karma came undone because Unconditional Love is stronger then [dark] Karma.

I had asked my Mom to forgive me as with breaking Heart I knew I could not leave, I could not step out of my life, even for one day to go and see her.  The torment I felt (and still do) took weeks of hiking to undo or at least quiet to a tolerable level of endurance.  Because of the choices I have made in my life, and because I have no one to replace me to keep my Cat Care Clinic running smoothly, not even for 24-hours, I had to make the excruciating decision I would not be physically present with my Mom so I could hug her, curl up next to her, hold her hand, look her in the eyes to say “I Love you”, before she went to Paradise.

You see, Life has many surprises in store for all of us and one of them for me is I happen to be walking in my Mother’s shoes.  Determined not to be like my Mother I somehow now live a parallel life that my Mother walked.  Now don’t that beat all?  Different circumstances, yes, but still and the same I am walking her life.  You bet the outcome is the very same.  As is the Heartache involved.

Going back many years when I was 7-years old, my Grandma died.  At that time my Mom had just given birth to her 6th child within a 7-year period.  (Can you imagine???)  Her Mom was dying.  And my Mom in one of our Precious Conversations recently told me how she had been carrying guilt that she had not sat with her Mom enough when she was dying.  The torment was hell itself.  I heard it in my Mother’s voice.

The Conversation that ensued is private and will remain that way.  But this I can tell you and will.  I was able to calm my Mom and to help her think things out as to how Grandma, her Mom, who Loved one and all, would not ever have gone to her death with unforgiveness on her Heart towards my Mom.

“Do you not see how Grandma understood, Mom?  You understand why I am not able to come to you when every atom of my Being wants to be there with you.  Now that is exactly how you yourself felt when your Mom was dying.  Don’t you think that Grandma knew and so understood, the circumstances you were in as well?”

And … don’t you think she would have said, “There is nothing to forgive, my Daughter?”

Yes she would have.  I know.  My Grandma did not have a mean bone in her body. My Grandma even when in pain and dying, made sure I still sat on her lap while she sat in her rocker, holding me tenderly as she whispered Love Words in my ear.

So you see, in the space of few seconds, [dark] Karma can be undone when True Love exists.

Please forgive yourselves even if there truly is nothing to forgive.  “Do not have unforgiveness on your Heart” is the main Message I brought back with me from my NDE.  That was in 1984.  Only recently I am witnessing what a powerful Message I was given.
~~~~

Photography/ “Karma”/August 2017©AmyRose
http://www.herladypinkrose.wordpress.com

~~~~~

This picture was taken at Chestnut Ridge County Park, NY but because of the bright sunlight (which is not my forte) it took a lot of time for me to get this picture balanced, and to me it’s still not right.  My knowledge in PS is limited.  I did my best to portray the extent of the massive damage this tornado did.  This tree trunk is huge with a height of nearing 100 ft. if not more.  I really wish to return to this park on a cloudy day to again take pictures where the EF-2 Tornado directly hit this park.  I will be showing more of those pictures here, I promise you.

*That cloudy day may be today*

🦋💝🦋

 

 

62 thoughts on “Karma

  1. Renewal all around Amy. The tree’s now allowing more light top come in, and give birth to the new, just as your love has done for you and your mom ❤
    The place you have both reached is also that completion, and the beginning of something wonderful ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. (((HUGS))), Mark. These past few days have been difficult for me so I am just now slowly getting to the comments here. I know without a doubt that my Mother and I have completed “something” and I also know that the totality of what that “something” is probably won’t be revealed right away, but rather, gradually over years of time. It just feels huge because we have come from a place of not understanding each other at all, to complete acceptance of one another. Bless you for this comment. Much Love to you! 🦋💝🦋

      Liked by 1 person

  2. My heart goes out to you, Amy. ❤

    Many years ago I sad to a doctor; … "because I don't want to end up being like my mother".
    He laughed and said, "no matter what you do, you'll end up there anyway."
    There are so many situations nowadays where I have to agree with him. Feel like I'm walking in her shoes.
    xxx

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Life is so ironic, Dina. In order for me to see past the illusions of this reality and to have understanding of my Mom, I somehow chose to walk in very similar circumstances that she walked. My life had been going in a certain direction (SO far from my life today) when WHAM! all that I knew to be my life to be disappeared in one day. Not all at the same time but the Event that occurred directly brought my life at that time to ashes. I was so determined not to be like my Mom … and here I am today … walking her shoes. My Heart does go out to you. You are much stronger then you know. BIG (((HUGS))) 🦋💝🦋

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  3. A powerful message indeed Amy. How is it that these strong women, even in their dying hours, and just like my own mother last year, have such infinite wisdom. And now it’s you my dear who is wise and profound and most probably much stronger than you realise. Love and peace to you ❤️🌹

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    1. Believe it or not, Miriam, I’ve been fighting myself since this post as I desperately attempted to figure out a way to go see my Mom. I knew in my Heart there truly was not a way yet I fought. I found airline flights that fit in my schedule yet the grueling hours of flying, waiting, driving, I could not do with this body I now have. I actually designed a way to have my Cat Clinic easy every other day and in so doing … a possibility appeared for me to fly to see Mom. But nope. Not to be. Not with this back of mine. Very difficult place to be in. And the clincher … My Mom truly understands. That resolves me to tears. OH how I LOVE her!! Much Love to you! 🦋💞🦋

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      1. I know you love her. I can feel it in every word that you write. And she knows that and understands. Mothers are like that, at least mine was, to her last breath she just seemed to know what we were going through. She couldn’t say it in words but I could see it in her eyes. Your mum would want you to look after yourself. We do what we can. Much love back to you xo ❤️🌹

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      2. God bless you. I’m really pulling myself togther as of today because I as a Mom know exactly and understand what you have said here. No more self torture. I have no words for your compassion you’ve shown me. Know you have touched me deeply. 💖🌹💖

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  4. Beautiful post Amy! I am trying hard to do my best as a good daughter. There are loads more I can do better..to me…
    Forgiveness to self is hard….it takes time but not impossible! You have a beautiful relationship with your mom and with a beautiful closure filled with love💕💕🌹Blessings and take care😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Garfield, self forgiveness is the exact reason why I haven’t been here until right now. OH how I’ve been fighting with myself. Even knowing my Mom really understands why I cannot get to her, every fiber of my Being is screaming to see her. The desperation was horrible and still now I have to fight it. I wish this position on no one. I’m really working on getting to Peace. Much Love to you! 🦋💞🦋

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  5. It is so hard to forgive yourself and it is even harder when you cannot do anything anymore about it than only finding peace for yourself. And on the other hand, as you said to your mom regarding your grandmother that there she had understood fully. We are great in tearing ourselves apart although those who are concerned don’t have a problem with it. The pain is so strong… I felt regarding my grandfather… and forgiving yourself for what you did or didn’t do is the hardest thing to do 💖

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    1. Erica, to know I assisted my mother to get peace about the torment that was causing her hell all throughout her life, brings such great great joy to my heart. Yes self-forgiveness is the hardest thing any of us does. Too many times we are hard too hard on ourselves unfortunately. No matter what it takes no matter how long it takes , striving for self-forgiveness in every aspect of life is so important. My mom has peace. My dad did not. And yes it makes a huge difference what the outcome of the end is like. 💖💕💖

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      1. I believe so too (all points) and you can tell from experience. I am so glad you found that light you needed in order to find peace with the situation. So glad! Much love to you, Amy 💖💖

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  6. So beautiful, Amy, and so healing. I once said those words to my mother, asking her to forgive me for my failings as a daughter. Her response? You were perfect, there’s nothing to forgive. Thank God for a mother’s unconditional love. Blessings my friend!

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    1. This was not always so between us, Linda. I worked hard to establish an opening where I could get those shields down from her Heart so that she could SEE me. Today the Unconditional Love we share with one another is a Gift beyond words. I’m so happy you have this Gift with your Mom too! No words …. 🦋💞🦋

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  7. My Sweet, Precious Amy, I am so sorry to hear of this great sorrow in your life. It parallels mine from two years ago when my own Mom was passing away and I couldn’t go to her because of our own problems, my health, her health, our locations, our history. And yet, I have discovered how much alike we have always been, how much she trusted of her life to me alone of her seven children, six of us born in nine years, then a six year period of grace before the youngest sister that she was finally able to enjoy raising without the constant drain on her energy from all the rest of us. If only we had known as children what we knew as adults, how much we could have helped her then.

    Mothers are so filled with love and understanding, it just overwhelms me to think how blessed we all are to have them for as long as we do. You had a wonderful one and you have written a lovely tribute to her. She will always be with you in spirit, something I know you are so aware of, just as your Grandma has always been with her and you. Your work with your orphan kitties has been a tribute to the way you were raised, the compassion you feel for all of God’s creation shows through as a living tribute to your Mom. She was proud of you — how could she not be? We are all proud of you. We are all with you in your time of grief, and my prayers are always with you.

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      1. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. If you need someone to talk to, just message me;. I have free calling all the time thru my cable company because of the building I live in. Dry shoulders and a good listener, and best of all, I forget everything I hear! I love you Sweetie. ❤ ❤ ❤

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  8. Wow Amy, wonderful words of wisdom here. I’m not sure how much longer my mom has to live. She was in a memory care home and now has been moved to a nursing home. I am in England and she in the US. My fear is I won’t be there when she dies. It is a strong possibility and I pray for Grace – either way, whether I can be there or not. I made sure to tell my mother that I loved her and she could feel it before she lost cognition. I know she knows, and I know she loves me. I guess that is all that matters – as you lovingly shared! It was many, many years of healing to get to this point and I sure am glad I made the journey! Having regrets is poison to the heart. Forgiveness is the antidote! Thanks again for sharing from your heart!! Love, Donna ❤️❤️❤️

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  9. A beautiful and touching post Amy ~ the power of love and emotion takes us to places never imagined, and thank you for letting us in on your travels to these incredible places of the heart and of life. Wishing you well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sharing these travels of my Heart and Life are so so difficult yet so so therapeutic as well. Instead of sitting in a therapist’s office to pour my heartache out regarding the fact I’m about to loose my Mom, I’ve turned to my camera, my writing, my friends, and my blog. Most importantly, I’ve turned to Mother Nature Herself to seek the healing of such Great Loss. Much Love to you, Randall. 💖

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    1. I have mixed emotions about walking my Mothers’ life …. that is a LONG story. Yet in order for me to set right the judgment I set upon myself when I judged my mother for how she acted, I now have come full circle. Forgiveness with understanding comes and with it Unconditional Love. Much Love to you, Milanka. 💝

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    1. Yes so am I, Cheryl, believe me. Yet there is a Blessing here too because already the Family Horror is rising within the siblings. Now I am thankful I am not any where near that bedlam. Much Love to you. 💝

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  10. It sounds like you and your mom have become closer because of your inability to go see her. It is beautiful the way the powers that be work those things out if that is the case. Regardless, I am so sorry for your pain and suffering and wish you peace and joy in the near days ahead. ((hugs))

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sheila we have become closer because of my tenacity to develop a healthy nurturing relationship with her these past 1.5 years. Thank you for your heartfelt compassion. I’m about to loose a very Bright Light in my life. 💕

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