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Vietnam Wife (3 IMAGES)

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Gripping her cellphone, the woman shook so hard with fear, beads of sweat formed on her forehead.  She heard nothing but her rapidly pounding heart and the shrill of her ringing phone.  Please pick up!  Oh God, someone please pick up!

Listening … Is he still sleeping?  Listening … Oh thank God, yes!

She had just counted the pills.  Twenty-three gone where only a maximum of eleven should have been missing.  Last time this happened, he flipped out and hallucinated thinking she was the “gook”.  He had tried to kill her.  She had to run for her life.

And here his psychiatrist had prescribed the exact same medication that had made him flip out.  Why wasn’t the drug alert notice in her husband’s chart?  OMG!  Someone please pick up!

It seemed like forever standing there shaking uncontrollably, heart pounding madly unable to catch her breath.  Finally finally an operator picked up saying, “Operator 13. How may I assist you?” and the woman clutching her cellphone frantically stressed how urgent it was to speak to her husband’s doctor.

In making that phone call, the woman broke every rule.  She was not allowed to interact with any of her husband’s Nam related doctors or counselors.  Hubby ruled.  HIPPA assured that.  What other options did she have?  Rapid fire past decisions flew in her mind while she had paced back and forth at her wits’ end.  No other decision she knew from her nightmare experiences would help in this present matter.  She had done it all.  No, only one option remained.  She had to call his doctor.

Terror invaded her very soul all with intent to destroy her.  Within a matter of days her husband had morphed into a mad dog baring his fangs and with the slightest provocation ready to attack.  How would this man react when he found out she had broken his every rule?  The woman’s knees almost gave out not knowing what was to come.  Yet, she still clung to her phone refusing to let terror win.

Listening … listening … what was he doing?  Hearing nothing.  Still sleeping. … *huge sigh*

Her neighbor’s key in pocket, screen door unlatched, ID and money and credit card in pocket, all set in case she had to run for her life again.  Shaking shaking still waiting for the operator to connect her to the right department, she kept hearing a kind voice, “I did not loose you.  Still trying to get someone in the right department.  Hang on, Ma’am.”

At long last an associate of her husband’s doctor took the woman’s call as the words finally freed, came tumbling fumbling flying out.  Twenty-three pills her husband had taken and he was acting out of his mind.  The last time this happened when he was on this medication he flipped out and had tried to kill her.  Why why had his doctor prescribed this medication again?

The promise was made for her husband’s psychiatrist to call back.  Now to keep her husband asleep until that call came so she made no noise.  Almost two hours passed and still the phone did not ring.

Listening … Is he still sleeping?  Listening, holding her breath … listening … no sound.  

In those two long eternal hours agonies panic all consuming, the woman paced back and forth waiting waiting waiting for the phone to ring.

OMG!  This was an emergency and this doctor kept her waiting?  Please please don’t let her husband wake up!

Suddenly the house phone rang, not her cellphone as she had requested this doctor to call.  She picked up immediately and all was said was, “Vietnam Wife, this is Dr. F.  Let me talk to your husband.”

Quickly she put the call on hold, running on tiptoe to get the extension to bring up to her husband where he was still sleeping in bed.  “Husband, you have a phone call.”  “I’m not taking any calls”, she was told.  “This is important, you must take this call.”

The woman handed her husband the phone.  Her face flushed bright red, her heart pounding so loudly she would swear her husband would hear.  She listened to the conversation.  His doctor approached the situation not addressing this emergency directly but instead got her husband to promise to see him the following day bringing in the new medication with him.

Oh God!  She had made the right decision.  Yet, still …. how would he act once he was off the phone?

Standing her ground, shaking quaking sweating bullets every muscle tensed ready to bolt, she heard, “Did you call my doctor?”  And because this woman does not lie, she told the truth.  “Yes.”  She replied.

Her husband became silent.  Ready to leap and run for that unlocked door, the woman still stood where she was.  What she heard next almost brought her to the ground.  “Thank you for calling.  I knew I was in trouble.”

That is when the tears began.  And she knew in her heart that the highest decision was made even though she broke all the rules.  Facing terror as she just had done, this Vietnam Wife should be awarded a Medal for Bravery.  When it came to saving her husband’s life and perhaps hers as well, this woman chose to break the rules regardless of the ramifications.  That takes guts.

Want to know what a definition of Love is?  You just read it.

When the Silence is broken,
the Secret looses its power.
~~~~~~

This is dedicated to all those women (men) married to a Vet who no longer recognize their own spouses (mates).  May all of you find solutions to this complex painful illness called PTSD.  My Heart truly goes out to you!

Photography/ “Vietnam Wife”/April 2017©AmyRose
http://www.herladypinkrose.wordpress.com

❤ ❤ ❤

COMMENTS CLOSED.

69 thoughts on “Vietnam Wife (3 IMAGES)”

  1. Thank you, MM. I’ve been perfecting my writing along with my photography. Bless you for your feedback and encouragement. My life has been nuts of late so my blogging has been hit and miss. I’m really just happy you found your way here today! 💕🌹💕

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    1. Awe me too. My blogging has been the same. I always love seeing you posts show up they are always so beautiful like you! Have a beautiful day! Lovely share sweet friend ❤️🌼💛❌❌

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  3. Dearest Mark, I wish this hell on no one. The Vietnam war is still raging on taking more prisoners in its grips. Peace is felt in the Vietnam Wife’s heart but as for the Vet, no. He is unable to obtain peace and does everything to sabatoge happiness. Why? He survived the war when his buddies did not. His mind is broken in so many ways and it is hell for the Vietnam Wife to not only witness but to be subjected to insanity. Angels do walk this earth, my friend, and this Vietnam Wife is one of them. Peace to your Heart this day. Much Love to you! ❤ ❤ ❤

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  4. Thank you, Miriam. The writer is only able to write as you just read because she knows firsthand what it is like to be married to a Vietnam Vet whose mind is broken. Brilliant writing yes from personal experience yet at such a high cost. Bless you, dear friend. Much Love to you this day! ❤

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    1. My heart goes out to you Amy. I can’t even begin to imagine the depths of what you’ve endured. A high cost indeed but you really touched my heart. I wish you peace my friend. xo ❤️

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      1. Bless you, Miriam. I’m working on the peace right now through my gardens and my photography. When episodes as the one you just read happen it takes so much out of me. I am determined that I will live my life in Love in Beauty in Truth in Peace. And I do for the most part. I am so touched by your heartfelt words. You are Loved for them. 💖🌹💖

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      2. Oh Amy, I’m glad to hear that you mostly live your life in peace though I’m sure that episodes like the one you wrote about must rock your world. Enjoy your garden and your photography and whatever else brings you solace. 💕 Thank you for trusting me. Sending lots of love to you. xo

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  5. God bless you, dearest friend. As I told another here I do have a goal to write a book because not many know the war behind closed doors as a Vet’s spouse does. I may not have the opportunity to write that book so I have begun writing here. I deliberately have written in the third person because not all who come here know my personal life. Yes I an battle weary and just want to have all this heartache to end. I did not know how brave I could be until this marriage happened. I pray that those who are in positions like me when reading this post will not feel so alone. This subject is not spoken about in every day conversation. Not many want to listen. Much Love to you, Sue. 💖🌹💖

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    1. Keep writing Amy.. If only one person reads and is helped your openness Amy, it is worth keeping on writing..
      Many I know here in the UK are also suffering from the Gulf War.. Marriages split.. Soldiers have not been given the right support have ended up homeless.. Its tragic what happens.. Still happens.. xxx ❤

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      2. I can imagine too Amy.. Left upon the scrap heap.. When I went into a Patients programme for chronic pain and illness with my FMS.. We were in a group with an x soldier.. he had been given a cocktail of drugs for the gulf war He was trying to fight the M.O.D. for compensation.. But they were in denial that any of the drugs they dished out had caused his illness, both in chronic pain and mental depression.. I learned later that he had taken his own life.. So yes.. I fully understand Amy.. And you are to be commended.. xxx ❤

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  11. You’ve got me on tears, Mar. Bless you for your support. I’m no longer willing to stay silent. And yes the Vet reads this blog. My life matters too! 💖🌹💖

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  12. I have my own PTSD to contend with and I am doing so without medical intervention. I am offered no counseling of any type and the few in hospital group therapies I’ve attended I had to sit and listen to other women drone on and on about their problems. No thanks! My therapy is Mother and my gardens and my camera and writing. Much Love to you. 💖🌹💖

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    1. Good that you have your cats, gardens and your photography Amy, this will help to keep you sane, I’m sure 🙂
      I haven’t attended group therapy and I don’t wish to either, I can imagine, how your experiences have been there….

      With love ❤

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  13. My life written in the third person, Erika. If you were nervous imagine how I felt in person. I was so so scared to publish this post this morning, knowing I am for the first time revealing the Truth of my life. My Intention is there are others like me who will read this post who will not feel so alone. Society at large does not want to speak of these things or what we Vet Mates are exposed to. War doesn’t stop when the Vet comes home. It only continues in the home within the family. It is a nightmare that does not go away. I have plans of writing a book about my life but in case that does not happen, I’ve begun validating my life here at Petals. And yes my husband reads my blog and when he reads this I will stand strong and proud. My life counts too and this time I am making sure this is NOT just about him. I went through more hells that day and the days surrounding this day. My Silence has ended with this post. Much Love to you, Amy ❤

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    1. Now I know why I felt this all so strongly. It can only happen when someone writes from the deepest depth of themselves. But reading your reply made my eyes watery… for many reasons. For once because it touched me even deeper where you went through and for second: There is always this moment when we are growing out of our old skin, the one stiched together with scars. Now breaking that old skin is scary because it hurts too but it is necessary because the tight skin hurts as well. The moment has simply come. We might be afraid of the reaction when we are opening our hearts but the fear is not as big as the need to overcome it. I am at a similar point in my life. And that is what touches me deeply in addition to everything else. I feel the fear and insecurity but also the power of determination and breaking the old prison of silent suffering! That time is over!!

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      1. Oh, Erika!! How your words deeply touched me. Yes this point when it arrives is so so very scary. Yet I have made up my mind that I will not go to my grave without real validation of my life and all what I do. I encourage you to get rid of the old skin no matter how scary it is. I embrace you with compassion and Love. 💖🌹💖

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      2. Amy, this is already happening. That’s why I am so amazed about the similarity. I am sticking to myself without feeling guilty anymore. It is not easy but after 30 years of relationship I forced the separation from my husband. In two weeks we have different locations. I am not willing to stay with someone only in order to stay together. It took me years to get to this point. That’s why I got a job. I don’t want to ruin him and be able to care for myself. It may sound selfish or rude but I am proud of myself that I kept up the path and I am feeling a deep liberation. I can breathe again! Now, you know!! Lots of love and hugs to you too, dear 💖

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      3. Dearest Erika, know how proud I am of you because I understand to the depths of my soul the courage it took to do what you did. Know please know, I totally get what you have done and I could not be prouder of you. So many women settle because being in long term relationships you just don’t know any way of life anymore. For you to be willing to change all that, you have my utmost admiration. Thank you for trusting me to tell me the truth. You are freeing YOU and I am freeing ME as best I can. I Love you, dear friend. Better days lay ahead. (((HUGS))) ❤ ❤ ❤

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      4. It feels amazing how you see my decision and that you got it so profoundly. I understand you so well. What we think would be right and how to accomplish it is two completely different things. Something like that needs the necessary “pain level” in order to keep it going. Which means the fear of change is smaller than the fear or frustration about the situation we find us in. It is a process and each step strengthens us and educats us. We are developing and all of a sudden we realize things we have not dared to see before. The step into the unknown is not scarier than staying where we are. I am so very proud of you too that you took that first and most important step to clearly speak up and opened up your inner world. This is the most difficult part because you are aware that this action is that crucial point of change. Once it is done the ball is rolling and you don’t know which way it will go. BUT once we are at that point to kick the ball we are facing whatever comes with all its consequences! That’s the time of immense growth and I am having goosebumps writing this here. Better and bright days are ahead for sure! A new sun begins to rise and new life to be discovered. It will all be well!💖💖💖

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      5. When this came in I was contending with 2 cat emergencies. So now I write. Oh yes once that ball is rolling it doesn’t stop. I have a sis who sits and “waits on God” not getting the concept that God is actually waiting for her to take the first step(s). We work in partnership with Higher Source and when we get that, yes some of our decisions rock our soul in fear, but we know deep in our hearts no longer can we tolerate what is going on. Change begins with US, not “God”. And once WE initiate that change, that is when Higher Source steps in (usually). Keep following your Heart, Erika. There are no guarantees in life. That is not however going to stop me from achieving in my life what I dream of, what I deserve and most importantly what can be done in order for LOVE to rule MY life. Yes a new sun is rising, dear friend. Before we see that sun the darkest of dawns usually descends. And that, is where the brave shine for they refuse to allow fear of the dark to stop them from seeing that sunrise. Much Love to you!! ❤ ❤ ❤

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      6. This would make an amazing post, Amy! Yes, the big challenges are only to come. But once we are that far we face it – fear or not! It won’t keep us from going anymore. I am sorry for your sister but I hope that she sees the living proof in you that the we are called to take responsibility for ourselves, make that step, and then trust that we will always have the guidance from above. The darkest night makes us see and recognize our light even clearer. That is the moment that changes something within us because we remember who we are. All that was before led us to that very point to rise above ourselves. THE development and insight of our lives. I believe that we wanted to experience our breakthrough and therefore we had to go through so much. I embrace you tightly, Amy and I want you to know that when you feel like it you can always contact me. Lots of love 💖💖

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      7. The offer of contacting you holds true for me as well, Erika. Anytime. Support is so cherished when we are walking through a new door to a better tomorrow. While standing on foreign ground we feel unsure, and question which way, what to do. This coming week I have two huge matters to address, both related to the medical system. Along with walking through the dark to gain freedom, I must address those in this world who will be responsible for my family’s welfare. I do not blindly trust nor do I suggest anyone to do so, and even those who I give permission to treat (in medicine) my family they will respect and honor the way I do things. As for my sis, she is not my responsibility and I can only hope by staying in contact with me she will get inspired to move mountains in her life. I finally achieved a quiet day today and in so doing “felt” the toll it took to pull two cats through an emergency yesterday and to attend to myself when I sliced my finger badly. Huh. Anyways, I came on here to edit a pic and create a post for tomorrow. SO many people I know have had health problems … this will be addressed tomorrow. What a treasured conversation. Thank you! ❤

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      8. Defintiely, Amy! A very treasured converstation. I just talked to a friend and mentioned how perfect that timing was of your post was here that makes both of us talk about the changes with just take place in both of our lives and the similarity of our growth and steps! That’s so right! We are not responsible for the decisions others make, no matter how close they may be. It needs to come from the persons themselves. Because only then they are ready to take the necessary steps. But what we can do is living our lives and giving examples that we can change things and that we should never be held back by what was or by what could be. The perfect moment is here when you feel the need for a change!
        I hope your finger is healing and also your two fur babies. I hope you can relax today and enjoy Easter! Sending you loads of hugs and lots of love, my dear friend. If ever I am back in Buffalo I will let you know. I would love to meet you 💖

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  14. Bless you, Scott. Some who come here and who don’t read the comments don’t know this side of me. So I opted to write in the third person just as powerfully as if I would have written in the first person. This is a huge step for me talking about this and revealing the huge challenges I must meet head on married to who I am. It is not always like this. Thank God! But every Spring a huge explosion hits and rocks my world. I do have plans on writing a book about what it is like to be a Vet’s wife, one that I believe is so very needed. But just in case that time does not come I’ve begun writing here as I come clean validating my life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support. It means everything to me. Unfortunately I do not have much support in real life. No one wants to know the nightmares of someone like me. I actually have 2 kind people in my life who get it and who care … my neighbor N. and my sister M. Much Love to you and your family! 💖🌹💖

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  15. Thank you, John. As for your question that do not know. My plan is to someday write a book titled Vietnam Wife but for now I write here. I’ll have to look regarding your question. 💖🌹💖

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  17. Yes, Michael, my book will be a best seller because the millions of women and men who walk my shoes but have been ensnared in this Code of Silence, the Cold War, will know they are not alone and in so doing, will (hopefully) start taking actions to better their lives. I hope by that time as well there are more resources to aid the families of Vets when my book is published so that I may include those resources. I am so done walking this path alone with so little help from this world. I am so done with the focus always being on the Vet and not me. Michael, I’m taking my power back as me, a woman of courage. Much Love, Amy ❤

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  18. It must have been so hard to publish this one, Amy, but I’m so glad you did. It takes great courage to open up the dialog, but it will be so healing for you, and no doubt, will touch so many others. Keep writing, and stay strong. We are all here for you. Hugs and love.

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    1. Oh yes, Van, this post was hard to publish but I knew in my Heart the time had come to tell this aspect of my life. Thank you for the encouragement and Bless you for taking the time to leave words, words that really touched me. I will keep on writing. My goal is to write a book titled Vietnam Wife. It is a book that is SO needed by millions in this world who suffer in silence. I pray by that time that there will be more resources for the Vet’s families to turn to for help. If I have any way about this, my Intention alone will put those new resources into place so that I can make sure those references are in my book. Much Love to you this day! ❤

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      1. Vietnam…they came for the poor kids first, my Pennsylvania blue collar town lost so many. The ones who returned were not in much better shape than those who gave their life, they just suffered a longer death. Write your book, Amy, it matters. Much love and peace to you. 💘

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  19. Thank you. Your comment really touched my Heart. I agree with you that those cold hearts who make the decisons about war read my words. Yes this story is in the third person but only someone who has the experience about this subject matter could have written what I did. Bless you for taking the time to leave your feedback!! Much Love to you this day! ❤

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  21. Debi, my sincere HOPE that those who walk my shoes will find the courage to speak up, to let it be known the suffering they endure and how so little help is offered and available. It took a lot of courage for me to push the publish button. My hand was shaking and I prayed before I did so that those who truly needed to read these words would. I don’t sugarcoat, never have, yet this aspect of my life I have not revealed because of the way I have been treated by this world. I’ve broken the Silence and will continue to do so encouraging others like me to do the same. What is so horrible about all this the spouse becomes isolated and the Vet becomes the sole focus. Horrors happen in the home, horrors that only those living with a Vet with a broken mind and spirit, know only too well. Bless you for this comment! You have no idea how much it means to me. Much Love to you this day! ❤

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    1. I think that yes, your sharing will open the door for others. Silence: is an erosion of the spirit I think. I can’t begin to imagine what life with a Vet would be like. we Never, ever know what someone’s life is like. we look, and might think their life, is all peaches and cream…. never, knowing – the secret silent, pain they may endure.
      and to mention ‘pain’ to the medical field, many times is like opening the Pandora box, instead of help and support there is a thinly disguised veil of contempt and disbelief. no wonder, many do not seek medical help now. Amy, though I can’t know, I ‘feel for you. and send thoughts, hugs and prayers. I believe art in its Many forms, (and nature) is a wonderful divine help. angels come in many forms I think. 🙂

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      1. Nature and my camera and my writing are all a means for my healing. The medical system is a joke. No not for me. And FYI my book I plan on publishing I’ve begun to write. What you read in this post is a part of that book. My every Intention is by the time it is finished there will be more healthy resources then there are now for those who are dealing with the nightmare of someone they love returned from war. Those resources will be included in my book. In freeing me I will in turn help millions of others. 💖

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      2. yes, the camera and writing are much better! and GREAT Title Amy!!! it will be a best seller, there are millions – of families out there living with returned vets and that topic is right there on their minds. fabulous 🙂 cheers, hugs, ❤

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    1. Thank you, Linda. This post was very difficult for me to publish but in my Heart the time IMO has come for ALL of us to face the Truth about our Vets and their families. I’m done hiding. I’m done denying. I’m done trying to fix the problems all the time. With my writing comes to Light my dream that a book I plan to write that deals first hand what Vets’ families are exposed to. I pray by the time this book is finished, there are more healthy resources available for Vets and their families to reach out for help. Those resources will be in my book! Much Love to you! ❤

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  25. Aw, thank you, Julie! I will do my best to write that book. What I have begun to publish here on my blog will be in my book. I wish I had 2 of me, and I wish I had an editor and secretary. LOL I bet YOU feel the same. It’s tough doing everything yourself!! Much Love to you! ❤

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  27. Bless you, Mo! Very difficult post to publish and because my husband reads my posts yes he did see what I wrote. Let’s just say he was not too happy with what he read. The time has ceased for at least for me to be silent about what we, the family, go through with someone we Love who has seen combat. I’m am moved deeply by your comment. (((HUGS))) ❤

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