*Contains some strong language.*
The man begins to see a habit. Yet he continues to run to that habit whenever Life gets tough. Regardless of who he hurts he runs to that habit to indulge. It numbs him for a little bit. It makes him forget his troubles. And it lies to him each and every time that this is where it’s at, flying high at the feet of death.
Time goes by. The man sees his mate’s tears with his every tango with that devil. He sees the wreckage whenever that devil comes a’ callin’. Many years he denies. Not me. And the blame game begins to shift the “truth of reality” onto another’s shoulders, shoulders of innocence. “This is not my fault”, he righteously proclaims to his mate. “If you had not acted the way you did, I would not have run to my habit.”
Responsibilities weigh him down and fun seems so so far away. Even though life pounds at him over time the running really does get old, and he just doesn’t want to run anymore. And with that thought, the veil of blindness rips asunder. This habit he sees for what it is … damned in hell. “Devil”, he roars, “you are not going to ruin my life!” Deep within he agrees to change, to do better, to stop the running in order to change his life.
The man does good on his thought. He’s determined and with each passing day feels so happy that his family is happy even with all those burdens and stresses. Peace flows. Smiles break out. Stomachs unclench. And then it happens. This just doesn’t feel right. This handling life without this habit is scary and it overwhelms him. He begins to withdraw, his stomach again clenches, as well his jaw, panic rises and with it feelings of helplessness by the mountains of responsibilities, completely not what he “planned” his life to be.
That is when he hears the faint knocking. Of that devil called habit. And it surely does have his attention. He ignores that knocking at first but the more he ignores the louder it becomes. Then,
a disaster at home strikes breaking the camel’s back and all his good intentions go flying out the window. That’s it! The man cannot take one more minute without that habit to again lie to him. Regardless of the ramifications, he flies off the couch where he had been sulking, and out the door he goes to the nearest stool to down the fiery liquid.
He can handle this he tells himself. Only one. Maybe two. And then home he’ll go. Nope, not gonna sit and overdo. Done that and he knows what happens about that. He is determined not this time, so devil be damned. I’m only having a few and then I go home.
In walks Temptation, in the form of a man who just “by chance” sits next to him on the very next stool. Now that bar is crowded to overfilling, yet look at that, there is an empty stool right next to this man. Conversation begins and as it does, both men find out they have a common friend. And then it happens. “Give my friend here a drink”, the stranger now friend says to the barmaid. Ah, what the hell, the man thinks to himself. Just one more and then I’ll go home.
He looses all track of time and the promises he has made. Dinner has long been cold sitting for hours untouched on the bar. The same dinner that had been meant for him and his mate. Nothing matters now except for that substance and oh how wonderful it feels to forget, that blessed forgetfulness, of the burdens life has brought his way.
Suddenly his cell phone rings and with a start he sees it is his mate. With a lopsided, cheerful grin he picks it up and he hears anger and tears which just about land him on the floor. What has he done? What time is it? How many glasses has he downed? And as reality crashes all around him, he realizes again he fell.
And by the grace of God, because of all those glasses he had lifted, when he took a spill landing with a loud thud on that slippery black ice in the parking lot, that fiery substance saved that man from a broken neck. And as he lay on that ground it occurred to him, how scary it is to be hurt and alone having no one but himself to blame. Getting up and going home, he is greeted with stony silence and this time he knows what he has done.
“No more, devil of habit, no more!”, this man proclaims, as he shakes his fist angrily in the air. “I will not be subject to your beck and call. I will beat you at your game, you son of a bitch! This is the last time I hurt myself and I hurt my family. Go away and don’t come back!” And as these words are formed, tears gather in his eyes. Oh, God, what has he done?
**This story tells you when you make up your mind to change a habit that you know in your Heart is detrimental to both you and your Loved Ones, that devil of a habit will entice you and trap you and if that is not enough, Temptation will appear to make that habit stick. Habits are extremely difficult to change. If you are aware of these Truths and know just how tough a habit is to change, you have the upper hand. Why? Awareness is key to change and brings you in control.
And when you do fall, and you will, don’t beat yourself up. Ask for forgiveness (really meaning it!) from yourself and your Loved Ones, and get back on track fast to change that devil called habit which ultimately will destroy your life. The longer you procrastinate and give in to that devil, the harder it will be to walk away from it.**
Photography/ “The Devil Called Habit”/ March 2017©AmyRose
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