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every time

MF Photography/ “Determination” August 2016©AmyRose

I wished to get in touch with all of you today for I (again) have gone “missing in action”.  Karma’s death had put me in a gigantic tailspin to the degree most of you do not know about.  Over the past few weeks (with determination) I found footholds to climb above the hole in my Heart so I could return to a state of strength and health.  Even though I maintained my exercise routine while my baby was nearing his transition, the shattering experience sapped my emotional body almost completely.  As a result, bone crushing exhaustion and darkest despondency were my existence.

I fought back even when I did not feel like it, on days all I wanted was to curl up in a ball and cry or numb out watching a stream of movies.  After weeks of fighting back, I finally began to see Light and feel Joy once again with the smile returning to my face.  I continued to choose activities to bring my essence the Happiness which is my “normal” existence, when from a very unexpected source, I received a (verbal) callous one-two-three punch to the gut. This in turn sent my spiraling back to the pit of torment.

Insensitive actions from others can cause great damage especially when someone is extremely vulnerable.  All the progress I had made coming back to the Land of Living swoosh gone in a matter of seconds as once again all I knew was soul sucking pain.

And yes, the callous actions had everything to do with Karma.

As of today, I am putting my hiking boots on returning to my magical forest.  Today I am determined to grab a hold of Light and Peace and keep hiking until I basically drop. Despondency/depression kills the spirit and I for one, who have fought so hard and so long for Peace and Center in my Life, will not allow the “enemy” to steal my JOY.  I manually switch the channel today from the one that says despondency to the one that says JOY.

With Love,

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