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When?

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LR -2336
When is the last time
you unplugged
from technology
and plugged
into Mother?
~~~

Photograph of my Peonies.

MF Macro Without Tripod Photography/ “When?” 2016©AmyRose
@www.herladypinkrose.wordpress.com

I thank each of you for viewing my work, especially at this time of my Life.  I am still unable to blog and even posting this today was almost too much for me to do.  I am so far behind deep cleaning my home which I let go of when caring for Prinny while she was dying.  I also have many more plants to put into the ground, a new garden to make, and getting involved with the felling of one of our beautiful Blue Mountain Ash trees that succumbed to the Emerald Green Ash Borer.  When that is finished, we plant a new tree which I must make sure remains hydrated.

My cat family I have been very focused on getting back to stability after the emotional devastation of loosing Prinny and also making sure their mandatory care continues.  Speaking of family, my husband has been having a meltdown because Prinny was his special baby and a loss like this triggers his PTSD something fierce.  He is not able to handle huge stress like this, yet, this is a part of Life.  I pray my husband finds the ability to start learning how to cope when tragedies in our lives happen.

I am but one woman.

I literally have no time to blog, yet I wish so very much to show you the Heavenly Beauty that has miraculously again shown itself in my gardens.  My Roses this year are the most spectacular I’ve seen them in years.  Yes, friends, my Roses have begun to show themselves!  And as of this writing, my windows are open and in so doing, our home smells like Lilacs.  Truly heaven on earth!

I am leaving comments open if you would like to comment.  I will read your comments, but will not be replying.  I have so much to attend to here within our home and on our property.  I have nothing left over for WordPress.  When I am able to return to the blogging world, I shall.

Sending Much Love to each one of you, and deep Peace.  Love, AmyRose

43 thoughts on “When?”

  7. I think that you are doing what you need to do right now. I love the flowers when you have time and the family to care for. It is really hard to lose a beloved friend. Prays for peace.

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  9. Your peonies are amazing, Amy 😀
    Use your time for what you need to now – later will come time, where you can do other things too, dear friend.
    Send you my love as usual – you know.
    Much love ❤ Irene

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  17. Focus your energy where it is needed and let go of pleasing others. Blogging can become a struggle of obligation mixed with release and validation. Please choose where you energy and love is needed most. That’s what I am doing right now. We must let go of peripherals and be with what is most important 💕 hugs to you Amy xo

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    1. Val, I am not sure why you wrote these words or that if you know that I just lost another family member, the fifth one in under 2 years, making me so broken and so exhausted I am not able to blog right now. I am not people pleasing at all. I am sharing with my friends and those who come here the beauties in my gardens that I want them to see. I am focusing my energy right where I need it to be so that I retain my sanity, that my family gets back to a smoothly running household again, that my husband who served in Nam and whose special girl just died is OK, and that those who Love me share with me my Life as I choose to make it back to even roads again. I’m sorry if you misunderstood this post. Love, Amy ❤

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  18. Oh, Amy. Sweet Prinny. I’m so very, very sorry. I’m also sorry for your husband. I hope he finds peace and his way back soon. There’s really nothing anyone can say but still…much love to you, your husband and your furry babies. One’s love for our cats goes so deep. We are left scared and devastated when they leave us. But you are a woman and women can put things aside and do what needs to be done for the babies who depend upon you…even though you’re tired and broken hearted. I have found that if we fall apart, everything falls apart so, sometimes we have no choice except to keep going. When our son died, I had to just act as normal as possible. My husband was hanging on by a thread (he never really got over it) and Debbie wasn’t in good shape either. On the way home from the hospital, I told her that everything would be okay and that I would be just the same…because she told me a story about a woman who lost her daughter and stopped paying attention to her other children. She mourned and spent time at her grave and finally her kids said, “Mom! We’re still alive!” I never forgot that story and when it happened to me I knew I couldn’t let that happen. I’m still tired from that, all these years later. From all my beloved cats, our son, my beautiful husband. I’m just tired sometimes. But I never give in Amy, because I refuse to let anything beat me down. I’m too pissed off. LOL Sweet friend. Rest when you can and kiss all your cats for me. Please tell you husband one more time, that I have great respect for him and he has my gratitude for what he did in Viet Nam. I’m so appreciative. I love all your cats. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your roses are stunning. Be well.

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    1. Gigi, I Love you! There is no way I cannot NOT reply to your words that shone like a Star. OMG. You have been through so much and your Compassion for me and my husband has me in tears. Thank you from the bottom of my Heart and my husband’s as well. He does not get enough thank yous for what he did in Nam and yours put tears in his eyes.
      You are also right about women how we must go on. When Prinny was really sick I only had time to do what I must with our other babies and I turned to Petals as my source to escape the nightmare I was in. It was horrible seeing her suffering and to have to make that decision of ending it, is brutal. For the sake of my other babies, I have intentionally turned my focus to them and for my sanity I have turned to my gardens to ease the brokenness in my heart. I wasn’t able to deep clean this house after Prinmy died, and in fact could not stay inside much because I felt so haunted over the loss of her. Now it is time however to clean. I still have splats of blood all over the house and on my furniture from her bleeding ear. As I scrub and clean my heart weeps for I am washing away the evidence that Prinny lived here. It’s so hard, Gigi.
      As for you, you are one of the most bravest women I have the privilege in knowing. To make sure your daughter has been Loved even though you yourself felt like dying, is the most incredible feat of Love I have ever witnessed. Bless you and bless your daughter. I pray Peace enters your heart with the knowing that some day you, your son, and your husband will be together again.
      I am SO touched by this comment I honestly could just ball my eyes out, but I will not for if I do I may never stop weeping. I’ve had 5 losses in under 2 years, including my Dad, and now my Mom has terminal kidney cancer. Life is certainly diffiucult at times and like you I refuse to go down. I would have been defeated a long time ago due to all that has happened to me if I had given up.
      I LOVE YOU. I will never forget your words to me today. Never, Gigi. It’s so true that those who have the most Compassion, have walked the most shit. (((HUGS))) Amy ❤

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      1. You are a wonderful selfless cat mom. The cats know that. I think they try to live for us, because they know how much we suffer when they go. Prinny stayed as long as she could and now she’s free and healthy and watching over you the best she can from her new home. I miss my cats and dogs so terribly because we really do give them our whole heart. You’ll be different now but you’ll be okay. Sometimes okay is the best we can hope for at times like this. ❤

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      2. Bless you again, Gigi. I know Prinny is better off where she is now, yet the hole she left in this family and my heart is huge. I really cried last night, my friend, speaking out loud the guilt and the regrets to a circle of my babies who listened intently, I have held on so tightly regarding the decisions I have made with those babies that are no longer here. When I first started caring for these very special cats, I admit, I knew next to nothing, yet my attitude was very ignorant, me thinking what is there to taking care of cats? Most people think this, and I was no different. I know that is not true today and that cats are extremely complex, mysterious, spiritual, deeply emotional beings. Some of my decisions would not be the same today, and oh how I have been holding onto to unforgiveness of self. I let go last night, or at least I began to. I believe it was your words that triggered this in me and I thank you. The responsibilities that ride on my I shoulders are huge, responsibilities that most people don’t understand because they do not walk my shoes. Deeply grateful am I to for your kindness and understanding. You helped me set myself free from inner torment last night. Bless you, Gigi!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

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  19. I am sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you and your husband feel better soon. I can completely understand to loss your love one (it does not matter human or animal). Please take care.

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  20. Good question in a beautiful poem. Hard to say for me. But sometimes, I like to unplug from Facebook for a few days or a week at a stretch. Last night I was home alone and sat and read and the silence was golden, amazing. Hope you are doing well, Amy. Lots of hugs and love to you ❤

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  23. Sorry to hear about your loss, Amy. I hope you find solace in God’s care. Take time out if you must. We all need it sometimes. Best wishes to you and your husband. Take care always. ❤

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  24. Your Peonies are just stunning. They are one of my favourite flowers. I always treat myself to a few bunches when they are in season. It is such a short season! The pink is absolutely fabulous to say the least. You take good care dear Amy….. 🙂 ❤

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  26. I have felt the same way and yet, the love my cats showed me, and my truly bumbling ways, taught me that what I did wasn’t as important as how much I loved them. They understood and loved me in spite of the things I did or didn’t do because they knew I would have done anything to help them and that if I could have, I would have traded places with them. I think that counts for a lot, Amy. They are far wiser than we are and while it won’t help, I don’t believe there is anything to forgive ourselves for. They read our hearts and they know what’s in them. Blessings on you Amy and all of your lovely babies. I am grateful for your very kind words. ❤ ❤ ❤

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    1. Cats, who live in a higher vibration then we do, know there is nothing to forgive, Gigi. They love unconditionally, a concept that we humans struggle with daily. I have forgiving to do with me, although I only did what I did from out of what I knew. Even knowing this, it is the feelings I am contending with. Looking back, and having the growth I do in my life, I see how I messed up, made plenty of mistakes, yet, the beauty of this is I have learned (or hopefully I have) and now make better decisions. When that final decision comes to bring suffering to an end, it is agonizing to make, even though it is done out of Love and the need of another. I carry those decisions with me, and now in the healing process I have begun letting them go, crying, releasing, and seeing that no matter what, I do Love my babies as best as I know how to at the time. I had a really messed up childhood, one in which I buried me and my feelings way down deep to survive. Getting in touch with myself and digging up those emotions that are a part of me, is truly a challenging process. But I am determined to find me again out of all this pain.
      I’m not sure when I will return to blogging, dear friend. When I do, I am seriously thinking of writing real life situations from my Life and how I “react” and what I do and how I think and feel. So much of the Internet is “pretend” and I really, REALLY want to be real, yet, am terrified to do it. Will people run? Will they stay? Will what I have to say be too much for them, we who all carry around wounds that run so deep? I have a lot of sorting and thinking to do while I clean and plant and take care of my precious family.
      This truly has been a Gift, this interaction with you. Thank you and Bless you!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

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  28. Oh, Amy! I am so sad. I know how it is to lose a beloved soul. It is hard enough when you see him suffering. And then when he goes forever the pain is so hard… The heart is broken. Tears are like an ocean.
    I only hope that Prinny is now in the Cats Heaven and she’s well.
    I am sorry to hear about your husband, as well. And I hope he will be better soon.
    Love you, Amy! ❤
    Be strong, my friend! I am with you ❤

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    1. Ah, so I am missed. That’s nice to know! I’ve not ever taken time off like this since I first started blogging, so that in of itself tells you the burden I carry is just so heavy and I have nothing to give right now. I ran into an Angel today and through the conversation, my burden lifted mightily. Depending on how smoothly things are running inside my home, and how long it takes for me to plant the rest of what needs to get into the ground, that is when I will have the energy to get back to blogging. This part is easy … It is getting to all those friends’ blogs who come to visit me. That is the tough part and at times, exhausting. I’m gaining strength and allowing the grief to go. If I wallowed in this huge Lake of Tears I hold within me, I would not survive. Just too much has happened to me and in order for me to live, I must focus on Truth, Beauty, and Love. It’s all in our choices. ❤

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      1. Do what is right for you Amy!! Take your time and I’m sure things will get better! and of course you have been missed but like I said taking time off is exactly the right thing to do for you to get back up on your feet 🙂 Much love your way (hugs*)

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